New York -> Wisconsin -> London -> ?

As you may have noticed

2007-01-13T09:12:00.000-06:00

I don't blog here much anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't blog at all. Matter of factly, I've kept up pretty regular on myspace. However, if yo udo in fact still read this blog for insight into my goings on, leave comments on here and I will transfer my posts from myspace onto blogger. It's only fair, and it leaves you with one less thing to sign up for.
Take care y'all
Ryan

WOO 2!!

2006-12-11T19:52:00.000-06:00

I promise those exclamation points will be about as exciting as this post is gonna get. Anyways my day started like any other in beautiful London, woke up, swore at the construction workers outside, took a shower and shaved and went to go get tested.

Job tested....I decided to take on a temp job to supplement my income. I don't think I really need it (but that depends on when my FIRST loan check comes back to me) but it might keep me occupied as well. Turns out, surprise surprise, I'm super smart and capable...so we'll see where that takes me. Hopefully towards money.

Walking into this little market square with my chicken tikka sandwich something caught the corner of my eye. The BBC was reporting a fucking tornado! in London! For a small moment I was transported back to good ol' Wisconsin and days of tornado drills at Faircrest and Deer Creek Elementary. Which I always found funny because if they're destroying the building your ass is toast. Same as those terrorist prep kits they gave us in New York, because on the 43rd floor my chance of survival was uhhhhhhh non. But hey thanks for the protein bars! Anyways I haven't read much about it since but it doesn't seem like the common occurence here given the fact that everyone was fairly freaked out about it. I had some concerns but when I rent running at the gym it wasn't on tv...figured it was just a passing thought.

Midway through my exercise I was thinking about what I wanted to do tonight. The cheap cinema was an option since I haven't been to a movie since The Departed (and this was to take my mind off shit, which helped but I like going into films with a clear head). Realized holy shit, I have a talk tonight. Yes people, I go to talks outside of class, mostly to broaden my mind to other shit going on in the world. However ,this was about games in learning and since that's pretty much the sum of what I'm studying I figured it was worth going.

Boy was it not worth going.

Firstly, you have to realize since this is considered 'new' media and 'cutting edge' that every single goddamn lecture I go to about these things outside of class always has some stupid 'innovative' technique. Mostly it's just podcasting which is fine, but no....not this time.

The guy who was moderating the event had four guest speakers:
1. Children's media centre director
2. Child psychologist
3. Game theorist
4. Educational software developer

So I was stoked, this was a good group of people to get some ideas from and maybe bounce some of my stupid thoughts unto them. But oh no...this guy had other plans.

We were assigned into groups of people and got ten TEN minutes per person to ask questions. These groups were about ten deep and mostly teachers so they were just rife with questions. It also seemed like everytime we sat down we had to get up again, yes we were moving from group to group like school children.

Basically I wasted a hour and a half jumping around when it would have been better spent for each one to talk for 20 minutes and then take questions. This is what happens though with this subject because no one really knows how to deal with video games just yet so everytime you go to one of these lectures it's simply an octopus flailing about with opinions. Also some things didn't even seem related to games in learning.

For instance, there was this one fellow...the educational research developer who talked about the kids having palm pilots and reading e-books of Dickens, when they wouldn't have done it before so this was the utopia of technology!
I called bullshit because it's an e-book and you have no way to determine what the retention rate was for these children to absorb and be able to think critically about Dickens. Also, these gadgets could take pictures, store songs, IM, all that fun crap. You mean to tell me they didn't want these things so badly to chat and take photos, but to read Dickens?

And then, this didn't even have anything to do with games! e-books are not games it's just the literary text in a different environment! It's not a game environment, it's an electronic environment!

So...it was disappointing, but I'm gonna see if I can get a hold of the media centre director because he seemed the most impressive in his attention to detail and passion towards this subject.

Oh...Waitrose couscous, saved my life...yeah that's really all I have to say on that.

Different note, something awesome happened yesterday and possibly it may be happening tomorrow. I'll let you know as to this development.

Hope everyone is doing well, and has Christmas spirit and eating chestnuts on fire (actually don't, I have had them here and they look like nads and taste like grandma smell) but yes, do have some fun this holiday season. Also, need a comment, should I spend Christmas in Paris, or London?

WOO

2006-12-11T19:50:00.000-06:00

London is filled with little intricate ways of thinking/behaving/living that have made this former New York resident on more than one occasion, angry. There is something nice about living in a city that isn't an enormous concrete jungle yes, but at the same time you don't get the same sort of service that one has come to expect.
They do have the breakfast down, except for the bagel but I'll forgive them.
Anyways, to my point....I live in a dormitory which isn't anything new to anyone who has either read or talked to me in the past two months. It's right next to a construction site so that everyday at 7 am sharp whether I'm awake or not, drilling takes place that is loud, obnoxious and apparently is done for no real reason because this building hasn't changed one iota since I've moved in. I accept the dormitory temporarily due to the fact that I'm still waiting for my financial aid check to be converted which has made me a great saver as far as spaghetti in a can for dinner and bread and oranges for lunch. MMMMMMM However once this check comes in I'm going to be making an impassioned attempt to break my contract and move out of here into something more civil for the next 6 months. The biggest reason is as follows:

and yes, this is the biggest reason

The Internet connection.....yes, I'm going to get some looks but this is very important. You see, I'm a media student...more specficially, I'm a media student whose main field of study is video games and computer game culture. This means that frequently I have to go online to download game films or open source video games or even software such as Second Life to tinker and try to gain additional insight into this world that I will probably be devoting the next few decades of my life. However, the internet connection here is the absolute worst connection I have ever had. First, it isn't wifi enabled which by now...c'mon, even Starbucks has wifi in every coffee shop, you mean to tell me the little tin can of a starbucks across the street from me has wifi and you can't? You're the London School of Economics! Also when I do get around to connecting my computer to the internet here the download speed is incredibly slow. I wrote to them about this and told them how important it was for me to get a faster connection due to the activities that I have to regularly take part in (porn omitted) in order to get the most out of my time here. I'm waiting now for my gmail account to load up so I can post the reply...see it takes that long. Oh fuck it, anyways what it said was that they have figured out what things can get the most bandwidth in order of priority and of course, media gets the lowest ah here it is

"We received emails from many other students in different departments such as Information System, Media Study etc and we do understand you need internet to succeed in your academic study. At this moment the school is unable to do much but we are thinking about limiting the bandwidth for individuals so the people who are doing massive downloads may be stopped."

So, basically no dice for your big shooter. If you want good internet you're gonna have to trek 30 minutes to campus to get it. Problem is that the only place where I can access these games and tax the system as much as possible is in this center that you need keycard entry. Even though I have a keycard it automatically shuts off after 6 pm every night and doesn't work at all on the weekends.

Thankfully, I just became a student representative for my department and get to have my first meeting on Wednesday. The top three things I'm discussing.

1. The crap fee for auditing a course (we actually have to PAY THEM MORE to not grade us)
2. The firewall in the WLE Centre (see above) that makes playing multiplayer games and hence MY RESEARCH impossible.
3. Allowing the media students unfettered access to the WLE centre both on nights and weekends. It's not like we're gonna have a party in there, it's a freaking computer lab people.

On that note, I should go back to reading more about how nerds take TV shows and make them into their own fiction, artwork, etc. (myself included, well when i was younger) but this week should be involving an ale festival and I'll be attending two talks given by the science museum about the future of games in education. Hopefully it'll be fun.

This just happened

2006-11-17T08:45:00.000-06:00

Five minutes ago.....

We have a printing allotment of 400 pages per student per year. This may sound like a lot, but for MA students who are printing a slew of journal articles in preparation for their dissertation it absolutely is not. However, I found a loophole....you cannot print all you want but you can copy all you want. So, this is what I've been doing copying just about anything and everything I can get my hands on. I believe I wrote previously about the English and how they simply don't know what a stapler is or how to use one, well the copy center has a stapler! However, that stapler has been out of staples for the past two days. Thinking I'll be the good guy, I go up to the library checkout counter to ask for two things:

1) Stapler for me!
2) Staples for everyone!

The conversation basically went like this:

"Hi, I was wondering if you had a stapler I could use real quick?"
"ummm......we don't have a stapler up here but we do have.........paper clips.......for.......you......to........."
"use?"
"yes, that's it"
(side note: I hate paperclips, they're my nemesis)
"Okay then, oh and one more thing. I was wondering whom I would talk to in order for the automatic stapler by the copy machine to be refilled"
*blank stare*
(this happens verrrrrrry often)
"Um.......I didn't know....we had a stapler over there, but you'd have the people in charge of staplers is media services)
(two things: yes, they actually have someone IN CHARGE of staplers, and two......the media services counter has been completely demolished in place of new construction, for what I don't know but it's taken down the number of computers to use as well as incorporated hammering and drilling into the library...also the WLE centre which are were all my classes are at, is right next door.)
"Well, they're closed ma'am is there someone else I could talk to?"
"Ummm...well....no....as far as I know it's just media services and they'll be open downstairs on Monday"
*blink*
*blink*
"ooooookay then"

So basically, in order for staples to be refilled into the only stapler in the entire library I have to key card out of the library, go downstairs talk to them to refill the stapler and then come back up, recard in, and wait for them to refill it.

Wow :)

Simply wow :)

Another forgettable night in the dormitory.

2006-11-09T15:36:00.000-06:00

You ever have a dish called ham and egg pie? If you're Joshua Hoppert you're emphatically shaking your head in an up and down motion because not only have you HAD it, you're probably eating it right now.

Well it's exactly what a ham and egg pie would look like. Not overly good, but that is the caliber of food I get fed here in good ol' Bankside House. I won't go on and rant about the food here because you've heard enough about it. However I will say I'm going to Elswere Road tomorrow with an Egyptian, a German and an Indian...this are is supposedly the place to be for really good middle eastern food. I'm extremely excited.

My week routine now consists of me going to work out early in the mornings and then heading to school to read or attend lectures. However, with the amount of stuff that I've been reading, it really does seem like I get nothing done when I'm there. I read a paragraph, go huh, reread, go huh, repeat. There is an amount of dissatisfaction within me that this program doesn't concentrate as much on video games as I would have liked. Rather, it does concentrate heavily on narrative theory (which arguably, games DO have....don't disagree Frasca, you'll only be wrong!) But yes, not so much with the video games. I have a feeling I'm going to have to carve out a niche for myself otherwise I'm gonna get more pissed off about spending the money I'm spending to live and school here.

Last weekend was a festival in celebration for Guy Fawkes day. Basically, they have fireworks and bonfires to celebrate the fact that said man didn't blow up the House of Parliament with a shitton of gunpowder...the gunpowder treason and plot! I can tell you that the festival was pretty cool and the fireworks were alright. I can also tell you never to eat roasted chestnuts (leave it to the song) and that I dont know of any good bar in the Chelsea area. They just have a good football club, which from what I read in the dailies is not doing so hot. Oh well.

Anyways, I spend a lot of time just walking around hey sounds like New York! Finally made it to the Tate Modern but....hahaha didn't ACTUALLY see any of the new paintings. Just kinda walked in and walked out. Yes, it's across the street from me, which grants me a certain liberty with being absolutely lazy about going to see it. Someday I look at more of the pictures. I have already been there, but i'm sure some new shit is there.

Wrapping up, with grad school I've already thinking and being asked about what I plan on doing once I leave. I suppose the fortunate thing about my situation is that I really only have to hold allegiance to Wisconsin because that is where my family is. However what I've been pointed out to on more than one occasion is the fact that I didn't visit them a whole lot when i was in Wisconsin. I had grand plans when I got here, I had grand plans for leaving here, and now I just don't have any plans anymore. Slightly liberating and at the same time unnerving. Absolutely amazing how things never go the way you planned, so it's not even worth it to think about it. I suppose what is left for me to do is just put my head down, read Barthes, Althusser and Foucault and try to manage as best I can.

When I find more pictures I'll post. I'm going through a stack, deleting ones I don't want, mulling over ones I have. I'm not going to lose sleep over planning for it. Then again, I don't sleep.

Nostalgia

2006-10-30T17:24:00.000-06:00

There are a million more I'd love to post, some I think are inappropriate at this time. However.....well it's just nice to look back and smile. Plus, I'm bored in London right now and the pubs are closed :)

At all times, maintain composure, despite all that is falling around you.

2006-10-26T19:43:00.000-05:00

That should be my creed, although I'm sticking to another one that even though there have been times when I've tossed it straight out the window. Eventually, I come back to it like a pitiful child who realizes that he's gonna get scolded sooner or later, better it being now.

No, I'm not telling it to you, because it's mine. I like it though and I've said it to myself for years.

So......what has happened in these past few weeks.

Well, I'm started to realize that London isn't entirely rainy and cloudy all the time....just most of the time. However, and I was rather surprised, I've become quite used to it. There are however, suggestions that I wish to pass along to the city of London to make everyone feel much much better about themselves and the state that they live in.

So they say London is a sullen, stoic city, true statement. I'm pretty sure I haven't smiled in over 72 hours. Some might've said that I laughed today (recently the term electrogasm seems to amuse me) but I'm pretty sure it was merely indigestion and nothing else. However, I think I know why....clouds and rain nonwithstanding of course:

I'll take you through a normal Friday....actually it's fairly normal for most people but this is REALLY normal for everyone come Fridays.
See for those of you who don't know, bars close here at 11PM. No, you read that correctly 11 IN THE EVENING.

"But Ryan, I read in such and such that some places have 24 hour licenses"

Why, yes you are correct they do have 24 hour licenses optional for most pubs in London. However, like everything else in London, it takes A HELLA LOT to get those types of licenses. Those who would even consider having such license, wouldn't want to deal with the thousands of drunk brits (and believe me, these fuckers can be obnoxious) wanting that extra pint of Kronenberg. So they don't really count, and most places charge cover charges, everyone knows my opinion on cover charges.

So....you get off from class or work or sodomy or whatever and you txt your friend and say "pints?". In about ten minutes not only will you have a location, but odds are a bartender somewhere will have picked up the psychic signal in the air and will have already started pouring their warm pint for your consumption.

You then drink, and drink, and DRINK. You might get something to munch on some crisps or pork scratchings (these things could kill ANYONE, I don't recommend) or peanuts, but the important thing is that you drink.

"Drink Till 11" is a very popular phrase here, which means you put down that beer and fast. Already I've already have several pints in front of me before I'm even half way down with my first one. This being said, lemme also say this:

Before 11PM, I will drink ANYONE under the table if beer is concerned. I've already been viciously trained and living in a bottle for a little while this past month I've also had some extra time to practice. I can drink a pint of Guinness in about 3 minutes and anything else in about 4-5 minutes if I really want to. It's not too far fetched for some off the people I've met to drink 7-10 pints in about 3 hours...this is if they're taking it easy. Strangely enough, I'm usually taking it easy.

So you finish up, and if you're with TC he drags you to an afterbar and before you know it you're sniffing Jaeger in a bottle and wonder just how your night is going to end.

I'll tell you how it'll end.....dancing like a moron in a hostel bar because that is the only place that's open and then hitting a kebab house. Where you eat a kebab with oodles of hot sauce and chips on the side. This is your dinner, since you were so busy wanting to drink you didn't want to make room for dinner.

Next day:

Your mouth tastes like ass, you feel like someone just took you out with a baseball bat and left you for dead and oh yeah, you had something completely reeking of sodium and fat to soak up alcohol and now you're waking up to a cloudy sky.

Their diets are horrible, I've tried TRIED to find a place to get some hummus with a pita, something semi-healthy to munch on for the way home so I don't wake up feeling like a mugging. This just does not happen though, every other place is either a curry house, a kebab house that serves "burgers" (they're not burgers, oh man have I learned that the hard way) or fried chicken huts that serve subpar chicken but make up for it by drowning their soggy chicken with chips.

No wonder why everyone looks so sullen most of the time.

Which reminds me, I should probably get a pint or sixteen tomorrow...it is Friday after all.

What? I didn't say I was going to actually do anything about it.

Geeze, what do you expect?

Not everyday has to be a good one.

2006-10-18T17:37:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling much better now, really I am.

Thanks to everyone, who was there for me to talk to. For me to vent my smoke plumes of insanity over and to hope that everything was going to work itself out. Thanks to Marx and TC, Rachel, my stepmom, Kornfield, Smoke, Kato, Jill, Nicole, Michalski, Wendy Fan and about a gazillion other people for being there when I was breaking down. I love you guys more than you'll probably ever know.

That aside, I just wanted to share something that to me, was a beautiful reason to get up yesterday.

My day yesterday was a lot, there were things that needed to be developed, and that was done. I wanted to meet up with TC for a drink at this Bavarian Beer house in London (Dan it was great, even Ein Prosit was sung, we thought of you instantly). So I had to take the tube from my campus to this area I'm unfamiliar with in order to meet him. I accidentally got off on the wrong street underground so I was walking in the wrong direction; I'll never be more grateful for that.

You see, in London, they have an afternoon newspaper 'war'. Two newspapers, London Lite and Yourdailylondon (something like that) always stake themselves out in front of the tube stops and pitch for your business. Free and tabloid fodder, but hey it kills some time.

Anyways, I'm talking towards where I think this pub is when this very small asian chlid comes walking up to me with a dailylondon. It just so happened that I was reading it already so I showed him that I already had one of his newspapers. The mother was watching in the distance with a huge smile. The kid looked at the paper, looked up at me and gave one of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen in my entire life. I got misty and laughed because it came at the right time, when the day was stressful and I was ready to forget everything. There is a feeling, deep inside me, that I won't ever forget that smile. I really hope I don't.

2006-10-12T18:31:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah and one more thing...how come EVERY move of mine has to start out as a complete fucking nightmare?!

Anatomy of a Nervous Breakdown

2006-10-12T17:19:00.000-05:00

So here is the story folks, for the three who read this thing still:

A little background will start the story out nicely. I am what you would call, a kid of fragile emotional psyche. Simply put, I have mental health issues. Many probably know this by now, so this is really no surprise; however for those who don't, there you have it I finally posted it.

I was diagnosed with having depression by the time I was 8 years old. This is something that vividly comes back to me because I remember having to be pulled out of class to play games with some man and answer questions about how I felt while I was playing said games. Clever trick in retrospect, something I'll make sure to use on my own children someday. That would make 17 years for those who are counting, and believe me, I am counting.

Now, it hasn't always been a long slog of constant depression, there have in fact been many times where I have felt happy as a clam and nothing could have bothered me at all. This being said, you know that there were many times both in childhood up to present that I have been very happy and content with life without having to feel what I have lovingly called "that bastard" hanging over my shoulder.

My childhood was a lot of quiet times. Again, for those who know me, they would think "he's out of his fucking mind lying like this" but oh no kids, this was quite the case. You see, I was one of the goody goody children, the ones who would volunteer to do extra things for the teachers (admittedly for preferential treatment, this comes in handy later in the story) like grade papers, organize supplies and so on. Otherwise, I was mostly the quiet kid who didn't really express himself and well....I was painfully shy.

Quiet worked for me very well back then, because simply put, I COULD NOT HANDLE NOISE. Anyone taking on a higher tone of voice, and I was a quivering mass of 50 lb. gelatin (I'm guessing how much I weighed I don't keep track of that shit!). It always started out with hot flashes, and then I would feel tears coming on and then I would want to get out and not remain under any circumstances.

Humourous sidenote that I now don't feel really embarrassed saying (anymore): When I was young and would hang out with my cousins with my brother dan whenever we would do something that would get us into trouble I would run into the bathroom. No shit.

Back to the lecture at hand. I remember vividly seeing many therapists and psychotherapists and psychoanalysts and psychiatrists through my years. It got so bad that in fifth and sixth grade I would beg my mother to keep me home. I would have rather died than go to school on most of those days. For one half of my sixth grade I spent it in a windowless room getting fed homework and access to the library when no one was around. The only time I really saw my friends was when they were sent up to detention and would have to sit in the same hallway that my room was in. At that point, it was that bad. There was one point in my school days that they school teacher, Ms. Koblewski....man I still remember that name, insisted that I stay in the classroom, but maybe there was a way to avoid the noise and be away from the situation. Their solution? Was to wall my desk with dividers in a small section of the room. I'm in the sixth grade, I just turned 12, I'm already known as that weird kid and to make some more humour out of it, I'm now the kid who is boxed in the classroom. This didn't last, I believe I bolted out of there one day beacuse I simply could not take it. I was placed in a behavioral education classroom. Some kids would be there for 2 or 3 hours a day. Not me, I was an all day child. I didn't act out, I just couldn't act normal.

Now, despite my absences and my time away from the sixth grade I was still able to do rather well in school. Why you ask? Because I'm smart, and if I wasn't I'd probably be mopping a floor somewhere with the amount of school that I missed. My intelligence (which is shared in that same dome with the bastard and it amazes me) has kept me out of some serious trouble in the past, as I hope it will in the future.

As the sixth grade drew to a close, there was a choice that my parents and I had to make. Either go to another school where the behavioral program would last until 8th grade, or try to stick it out at my school and hope for the best. Again, begging my mother....she relented and I stayed at my school.

The 7th grade.....was a nightmare for most of the year. I remember my class being very loud and obnoxious...I was moved around the classrooms repeatedly which probably pissed off my teachers something fierce....and there again, were many times when I simply could not handle the strain. Days that there were substitute teachers, forget it....I might as well have been a piece of dead meat on the sidewalk. Kids loved those days, I was terrified of them.

8th grade wasn't that much of a picnic either, this was around the time of dating and boy did my first awkward dating experience end with a bang. Angela Calteux, one week....damn I'm smooth. There were many times I needed to leave the classroom during tense moments. Again, being good to the teachers and not treating them like complete pieces of shit granted me certain freedoms. More notably, the fact that they knew I was capable of doing the wrong in the class because well frankly, I was spineless...absolutely spineless.

ugh

High school was divided into two sections for me. The first two years were depression filled and absolutely tumultuous. I mean, honestly, who doesn't have a bad two years of school? It was at one point where I actually requested to see my middle school guidance counselors because I thought the ones I had at high school were imbeciles.....not all of them were. I hung out a lot with this kid Jesse Tarnowski...who was uber depressed, and why not? He lost his mother, he hated his stepmother, his dad would give him shit ALL THE TIME, and he was a tall awkward child. He also had a terrible singing voice (sorry kid, but you did....sure played music great though)!

The second two years of high school is probably what I would regard a very good time. I was very popular, I was class president. I worked on the peer helpers, I was a library aide, I was the prom king, I dated the homecoming queen, I was captain of the forensics squad (nerd I know) and I was on the tennis team (terrible, but hey i was on it). Things were very good, and I got into Madison...Madison was a whole new world for me and I wanted something different, I figured middle Wisconsin would offer this (as I sit here in London, I'm laughing hysterically). That next fall, my dad and I packed my stuff up, left early in the morning, got to my dorm room unpacked in 20 minutes...5 minutes later he was gone and I was left in a city I was unfamiliar with, knowing only a handful of people.

Surprisingly, I got along very well....for awhile. Things took a turn for the worst come well...December it really picked up, but for the most part it was the spring semester that really shook the hell out of me. The pressure of my classes, the situation with my roommate, the situation with a girl (not just any girl) and my already cracking psyche finally amassed into one, large bubbling explosion. Simply put, I had a nervous breakdown.

After a few events that I'm not proud of, and that I don't want to mention here, I ended up being basically forced to go into therapy and prescribed medication. I didn't do anything violent, lets get that out of the way. The woman I was originally assigned to we didn't relate...and shrinks are like shoes, they have to fit otherwise it's gonna be crap the entire time you're together. I was assigned someone else and I'm fairly convinced she saved my life that year. No nonsense, was able to cut through bullshit, and most importantly.....she was straight with me. I respected that like no one's business. She would help several other times through my college experience, I credit her with helping me get through when times were the worst. You probably will never see this but Juanita, I'm really really indebted and will always be.

I didn't say her name was awesome!

So....now where, ah yes...approaching graduation I was at a highpoint of my life. I worked a job where I had a ton of friends, I had a great group of people I hung around with, I was with a girl that I was absolutely insane over and things couldn't have possibly of been any better.

Fuck was I right about that one.

Graduation came, a lot of my best friends (and my girlfriend) moved away, and here I was.
Working at the Rathskeller.
Making the next generation of college students their sandwiches.
Life as you could probably figure, was awful.

Bad things happened, actually one bad thing happened. If I had to go ahead and rank it, it was probably number two in the worst things that's ever happened in my life. Number one was the death of my grandfather for those at home taking score. This caused breakdown number two. I didn't sleep, I barely ate, my therapist time was minimal and I hated myself more than I ever hated myself in my entire life. On top of this, it was beginning to be winter in Wisconsin, in Madison the winters are far more miserable than Milwaukee because we have lake effect from BOTH SIDES. Winds smacking my ass like a scolding and here I still was, making burgers.

I had to leave, and it had to be soon, otherwise I was going to die there...no shit, I knew that much.

My original plan was to look at places in California or Texas or Chicago. Jobs for game companies doing PR work because that's what I would have liked to have done for awhile. Then the prospect of New York City came to me. New York City?! Are you serious? I've spent the last five years denegrating this city for everything that it represented. The students, the crap pizza, the smog, the subway, why the hell would anyone ever want to live there?!!?!

Before my Europe trip, I went there....it was in a bar in Brooklyn, heart cutouts all over the ceiling over a large stryofoam cup of bud light that I said to my friend Dave (I call him Smoke, but you can't call him that)

"Smoke, I think I want to do it"

I left for Europe, he stayed in New York City, and I had a new plan.

After Europe and Africa (they were great times, the entire beginning of this blog is devoted to it so I won't go into detail) I was home for two weeks, then off to NYC.

This is also chronicled. I forgot what almost pushed along breakdown number 3, but I was a cranky man....I felt like I had nothing in the future, and I was sad, a lot. Again, I sought out therapy and was put back on medication. It's always hard to say whether or not the medications work. Apparently this one did because according to Courtney I was much more pleasant, and since I hung out with her quite often she's probably a good barometer.

I applied to London because I felt like I needed a change. As I'm slowly lifting my denial veil, I'm starting to realize it may have been for another reason too. The program here was highly recommended and the staff seemed very helpful. Do I think it was a mistake moving here? No, I'm about 80 percent sure of that, however many things have come to light.

First of all, even though my program "ends" in June my dissertation's official due date is in September...which leaves me with about 3 months of non-London time trying to work on something that will essentially sum up what I would be capable of in a research/academic world. I will have to do this about ohhhhhhhh 3500 miles from my school. Lack of face time, you betcha!

I also then found out that the final grades won't be posted until March....so I won't even have a MA until 2008! I might as well have just stayed in the goddamn US! So what am I going to do during the meantime? This takes a huge hit.

Then, none of my financial aid money has technically gone through yet. So I'm still technically not an official resident at my HALL OF RESIDENCE and I'm dwindling on my funds quickly, all not sure how I'm going to cash the cheques if I get them considering I don't have a UK bank account yet, applied but they're about as easy to get as Holy Grails. So that's another thing.

Three. I don't know when I'm getting them all, and London don't really take credit cards...and I don't know how I'd pay them if I HAVE NO MONEY.

Four. Possible biggest mistake number 3 has come back to bite me hard, and almost made me realize what a complete fucking moron I was. Gotta love that hindsight.

All of this built into one huge mushroom cloud of a motherfucker nervous breakdown. I was a babbling mess, a crying babbling mess (yes I do fucking cry, and I thank you to keep it to yourself, wait its the internet...shit) and hated everything about myself. I hated that I felt duped by this UK excursion telling people things that have been proven to be NOT TRUE since I've gotten here, I feel like someone took a large dump on me and furthermore, I have no idea what I'm going to do....absolutely none. I easily have not felt this defenseless and isolated in a long time. I don't know what would have happened if my friend TC wasn't around, I don't really want to think about it, but I'm sure it wouldn't have ended well. Not suicide, lets get that out of the way....but not far off.

This culminated on Tuesday, today is now....Friday. I've slept a total of about 7 hours since Tuesday, I ate a sandwich tuesday, a sandwich yesterday, and a chicken leg today. I've been drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes (even though I don't smoke) like a chimney because I'm rattled, and I honestly am clueless as to what the next move will be.

So why am I writing all this? I'm normally one who keeps his cards close to his chest (very few people even KNOW about this blog). However, class it sleep deprivation, malnutrition, or just good old fashioned existential crisis but I needed to write something ANYTHING to document how I feel, and long goddamn history of how I feel. Unfortunately, I know some of my dad's friends and some of my family read this journal, but you know what, I don't care. This is my journal, and I write down whatever I want....right now I want to write that I can't think of a time when I've felt this vulnerable to so many outside variables. Hell, I PRIDE MYSELF on being able to control things. This however, with the exception of the final decision (and that may not even be in my control) is OUT OF MY CONTROL.

This is me, this is what I'm living right now...I don't like it, but I can't help it. Right now, this is exactly who and what I am. Absolutely fucking terrified.

delay

2006-10-11T05:46:00.000-05:00

having a mini mental, physical and emotional breakdown...will repost soon

reprinted from an e-mail....very messily I see

2006-10-06T07:47:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay in my typing (not that you were waiting for thiswith baited breath), but here I am!I write to you from the inner halls of my school building. There isonly ONE building here. Nothing like Wisconsin I can assure you. Thecampus area is nice and is surrounded by several other schools. In away, we form this cluster of three major schools in this area(Birkbeck, SOAS (School of Asian and African Studies) and us). Butenough about that lets start with fun.Oktoberfest. For those who have not gone to Oktoberfest let me put itthis way. Remember the most fun you had in your life, in the craziestplace you've ever been? Times that by 100 and you have Oktoberfest.Mardi Gras? Pssshh.... New Years in New York.....psssshhhh (but whatdo I know, I passed out early). Nothing and I mean nothing preparesyou for this.EjemploWe fly into Munich and finally make out way to the hostel. Fatiguehas settled in from basically doing the travel thing all day and weget to our room. We're there for about 20 minutes before we gingerlyhead off to Oktoberfest.Oktoberfest is essentially 8 ENORMOUS tents that fit between 5-10thousand people a piece and in between all of them are smaller beertents, enough carnival rides to put a kid in shock and more sausagevendors than all the state of Wisconsin. I almost cried it was soglorious.Me, being a big German beer snob decided that we should probably hitthe Hofbrau tent...which is one of the louder, more crowded tents.This was at 7pm in Munich. This was a terrible idea. We walk in towhat could only be described as the party that will send off the worldin case of global Armageddon. Blue and white colors (the colors ofBavaria) are strewn about, german band playing their asses off.....anddrinking....lots and lots of drinking. These are glass LITERS mindyou, they don't half ass and go for plastic, that would just be wrong. So my friend and my brother are trying to comb through the throngs ofmasses when I see out of the corner of my eye...a large german withwhite hair and elderly age, who has had his fill.He stumbles, and stumbles....oh dear, it looks like he's heading myway....yep he's definitely heading my way. BOOM into my legs he goesand onto the wooden floor. Yep...yep he's out.I try to help him up, but that only proves to be fruitless since hehas about 150 lbs on me EASY. Two others try to help him up, but tono avail. I look to see if he's not dead, yep not dead, moving on!Couldn't find anyplace to sit inside so we find a place in the outsidebeer garden where we commence to drink.and drink..and drink...I wake up the next day with the worst hangover I've had in a longtime. Apparently when I asked my brother exactly how I go tback home,he said "I don't know, we all split up". This causes alarm. Thestory goes is that at one point in the night, after our 6th liter ofbeer we decided to go inside to be cheerful. I at one point, bought ahokey Oktoberfest hat that I displayed proudly, talked to some kidsfrom Jersey and Connecticut (proof right there that I was drunk! Iwould have to be to talk to people from Jersey!...take that Wendy!)and then disappeared. I showed up at the room holding a beer sanshat....questions will always remain of that night.The next nights were not so bad...we were fairly beaten up after thatday. However we did drink more than we should have, we made friendswith two old german couples, danced and sung on top of tables(greatest Oktoberfest night ever) and saw a lot of Munich. If you canever go to Oktoberfest, I urge you right now to do so...but expectabsolute insanity.Onto London. Things are fine, I live in a very tiny room but it is myown room. I live in a dorm of undergraduate students which means Ican't tolerate to hear them talk because it only hates myself forprobably being exactly like that when I was younger. My roommate (heonly shares the bathroom) seems to be nice, but I've only met him onceso I can't really count much for or against him.For those who have been to London I live right across the street fromthe Tate Modern art museum. Right along the River Thames in acommunity called Southwark (pronounced Sutherk - yeah I know). It'salright and serves its purpose, although I do get woken up from theconstruction across the street from us. The community is currentlyundergoing a renovation to a modern business district. Which meanshuge buildings that will hold lots of people, just not yet. I'llwrite more as I explore the neighborhood.So let me tell you more about London. It's a beautiful city, reallyit is....I love the culture and the diversity of people who inhabitit...but there are two things....definitely two things that I woulddestroy in a heartbeat if I had the chance.1st - Their 'red tape' system2nd - Their map, so we could all start anewThe streets of London and the layout can only be described as one thing: - a pile of pigshitFirst of all, you have streets that will just randomly end and they'llbe the same street right across the intersection. They like to loopthings around a lot as well. There are always five or six streetswith the name "Regent" and four with the name "Piccadilly".WHY?!!?!?!? I believe firmly that it has to do with the newcomershaving to purchase this guide called A to Z London which has all thestreets listed (which I have used and still got lost). Their publictransport isn't much to scream about either. No air conditioningwhich is going to make the summer just awesome and they really have norhyme or reason to their tube lines. I haven't even started o nthebuses much yet because that looks to be nearly impossible. Oh I longfor the days of beautiful, pristine, TIMELY New York transport.MTA....I miss you so.The red tape...everything here takes so long. If you're anInternational Student, it takes even longer. Registering for adoctor, getting an ID card, approving your tuition payments, applyingfor discounts. These take WEEKS. Sure they'll take your money rightaway but if you want something from them in return.....best to checkback by Christmas time. I said to my friend, and I stick to it....isthat if the UK and the US ever went to war with each other we'd win ina heartbeat...want to know why?Because there would be paperwork to process before they would go towar, and by the time it got to someone to approve, London would be afireball.Things have been mildly frustrating on both those accounts, but thepeople make up for it. They're very friendly, the staff here atschool have been extremely accommodating to us new students, and Ilike what I'm doing. This past week I've gone to all these inductionmeetings which involve free food and wine, and met many of the staffand lots of students which makes me feel a little bit better aboutbeing here.So yeah, i think that's about it for now....I do miss the US terribly,but I feel like this won't be that long of a time. I do enjoy Londonvery much (despite my rantings from above) so it'll be nice to spendsome time here, just as soon as I get used to the system of doingthings. Perhaps I should have done London first, then New York....For those I haven't called yet (Dad) I'm sorry, I'll get to callingyou this weekend, things have been incredibly hectic since I'vestarted and only now am I finally starting to see some resolutions toeverything. It'll be nice to catch up on stuff (and rant about thePackers, man do they suck!). So until then, hope all is well...missyou guys terribly and hope to hear from you soon.

2006-10-05T06:43:00.000-05:00

I've thought about it for a while
and I've thought about the many miles
but I think it's time that I've gone away
the feelings that you have for me
have gone away it's plain to see
and it looks to me that your pulling away

I'm gonna pick it up
I'm gonna pick it up today
I'm bound pack it up
I'm bound pack it up and go away

I've found it hard to say to you
that this is what I have to do
but there is no way that I'm gonna stay
there are so many things you need to know
and I wanna tell you before I go
but it's hard to think of just what to say

I'm gonna pick it up
I'm gonna pick it up today
I'm bound pack it up
I'm bound pack it up and go away

I'm sorry to leave you all alone
you're sitting silent by the phone
but we'd always known there would come a day
the bus is warm and softly lit
and a hundred people ride in it
I guess I'm just another runaway

I'm gonna pick it up
I'm gonna pick it up today
I'm bound pack it up
I'm bound pack it up and go away

At 8:57 EST

2006-08-22T08:21:00.000-05:00

I saw a man sitting outside my workplace with this sign, not verbatim but it's the jist.

"Want money so I can get drunk and two girls can take me home to molest me."

There will always be a soft spot for New York.

I suppose the change was necessary.

2006-08-18T11:14:00.000-05:00

Okay so everything is set I suppose. For the three of you who still read this damn thing, my finances are now squared away, my trip is all set and my schedule looks to be something like this:

August 31st - Traveling back to Wisconsin on Midwest Airlines, arriving into General Mitchell International Airport at around 6:30 CST. My phase in New York for the time being is over.

September 1st - In the evening, I will be accompanying Nicholas Marx and his girlfriend Jill to Madison, WI for two days of some quick shenanigans and catching up on the terrace with a brat in one hand, and self-satisfaction in the other.

September 3rd-23rd - Catch up on all the things Wisconsin that I missed. Among those being:
1. Eating brats
2. Fires in the backyard
3. QUIET
4. Cars
5. Trees
6. Family (this is in no particular order may I remind you)
7. Fish Fry
8. Cheese
9. Friends
10. Terrace
11. Being a hour and a half away from Chicago
12. Nature GOULET!
13. Breakfast scramblers
14. Downtown Milwaukee at 2 AM on a Tuesday

September 23rd - After watching the Badgers provide a thrashing to the Michigan Wolverines at the big house, I will happily board a British Airways flight with my brother, one boy named Daniel and take the red eye flight to London Heathrow airport.

September 24th- Landing jetlagged and slightly hungover, we will greet and then ridicule my good friend, a Mr. Tony Campos. We will then proceed to his flat in Hackney (Northeast London) and then hopefully make it to my new home for the year in Southwark (Southeast London) My address will be as follows:

Ryan Martinez
LSE Bankside House
24, Sumner Street
London SE1 9JA
United Kingdom

WOOMOTHERFUCKING HOO

Ummm....sorry

September 24th - Celebrate the 31st birthday of dear brother with a good meal, a few drinks, and hopefully a night walk through London.

September 25th - Board a Lufthansa flight in the evening for Munich, Germany. Proceed to Oktoberfest grounds for swelling of liver

26th - repeat

27 - repeat

28 - get bail money and go back to London

That's all I'm projecting....I'm a nervous wreck right now, but I haven't been this excited since I moved to New York. More to come.

a cliche line for a great f'n movie

2006-08-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

So, ready to go to sleep...I've been monumentally exhausted for the past few days (both alcohol and mental stress have caused this breakdown). Fell asleep pretty much the second I got home and was laying in bed when I heard the old familiar PS2 motor running and a New Line Cinema theme song. Curious, I made my way out to the living room to see my roommate Steven popping in A History of Violence.

I loved this movie when it was in the theatres, and I love it even more that I watched it a second time.

Let me tell you why.

Well, it's violent, that's for sure...but it's sparsed out in the film. It's definitely not an action film, but it does have some action elements. The cinematography and the score are both sublime and stoic.....goes along very nicely with the mood and study of the film. What interests me however, is the character study of this film.

For those who do now know, this movie is roughly, about a man who breaks up a robbery in his cafe, killing two people. Someone believes he is someone else from his past, and they come back to haunt him. It tells you several things.

You past, even if it's the past, is never gone forever.
You can change who you are, but you can never change what you are capable of.
No one ever knows anyone, not that well (1 of my top 2 greatest movie lines ever, the first one is cheesy and from The Untouchables, it's my mantra so to speak).

It's violent, it's unreal, it's beautiful, it's a Cronenberg film, go watch it right now if you haven't.

Tomorrow, I tell my lawyers that I'm gone come the 30th of August, wish me luck. I'll update as to the reaction (if there is one).

Unoriginal Posting

2006-07-31T11:45:00.000-05:00

Monday WOOHOO!

Nothing really eventful happened this weekend. I helped move Courtney into her new temporary abode in Brooklyn. It's funny how Brooklyn feels like a world away from Manhattan, given her location...she kinda is really far away. Very weird feeling, but then again it's all a part of growing up.

My roommate Steve had guests in from Sao Paolo. Very cool people by the names of Vinnie and Marcella (my grandmother's name). Laid back and welcoming, they said I could come stay with them in Sao Paolo if I ever get down there.....I may have to take them up on their offer.

Still waiting to hear additonal details from London...it was so much easier when mail from Madison would reach Milwaukee within the day, I now am starting to realize the aggravation that the international students must've had to endure. I know it's all just a mindset of waiting for it...but I feel like I've been waiting for it for quite long enough now and would like the closure....the ACTUAL closure....I suppose that won't happen till next month.

So, what the hell do I pack up and ship back to Wisconsin before I get there? I'm thinking electronics, and DVDs.....but those are things that are quite valuable to me...moving is a huge pain in the ass...just in case...you didn't know that. I'll be doing it twice in two months...one to a different state, and then a different country.

On the subway today....I noticed a rather pug-ugly girl wearing a shirt that says "Sexy Girl"......

She seriously looked like a cross between a geriatric and a pig....her face was something out of a Boris Karloff film, and if you don't know who that is....get the fuck off this page right now.

It made me wonder though, why do ugly people insist on wearing these stupid shirts....another one that I like are those random "broke my heart now I break everyone elses" shirts and stuff like that...essentially advertising that they're losers that got dumped by whomever they were having sex with that week and now they're going to break hearts? Is that really what happens when you get landed on your ass? It's just a load of crap. Humorous shirts I can understand....one of my favorite shirts is "You can't have manslaughter without laughter!" Terrible yes, or "I like my women how I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer".

I mean, they're sick...but they're a funny sick...or maybe you don't think so...

fuck you.

Anyways, wear funny t-shirts....not shirts that advertise that you're sexy, etc...because normally....99 percent of the time, if you need a shirt to identify your sexiness to other people...you most definitely are not. With the beautiful in the city come the hideously ugly...we're talking Waukesha County Fair ugly.

Your unfulfilling meal.

2006-07-25T11:52:00.000-05:00

So, maybe this is a secret...maybe it's not...it's nothing special. For pretty much my entire life I have never been satisfied with anything. For me, no matter what comes my way and how good things seem to be, I've never been able to just sit back and go "ah, now this is where it's at." The closest I came to this sense was while in Austin this summer (that is another story entirely) but that was because it felt like a honest to God vacation with some of my best friends and there were no expectations, just relaxing and doing what we do best....somehow not getting arrested.

Back to my sense of dissatisfaction. Even thought London is now pretty much a lock and I just have the formality of filing billions of tons of paperwork before the UK government is like "okay, you came come over for a year" and this has been my goal for the past year or so.....I'm still at this point of disgruntlement.

You see, I want all these things to happen now....I like to think of myeslf as a patient person but that really isn't the case....I'm patient with myself in making things happen...but then when I do said things I expect the other party to respond as fast, if not faster than what I've done. When they don't, I feel like I'm in a stasis beyond my control and EVERYONE knows that I hate not being in control.

Same thing with London, with Germany, with my Europe trip, with my move back to Wisconsin, with the transportation sitautoin, to the what the hell am I gonna do back home for 3 weeks issue...I just have a crapload of issues that I'm trying to figure out within my head and for right now it all seems completely overwhelming.

Even though I say I'm quite done with New York, I also realize that I'm going to miss it within a week of going back home. It's fucking New York City man! Who wouldn't miss living in this place? However...I continuously remind myself that I made these decisions and that they're all in my best interests...it doesn't help to live in the greatest city in the world if you're miserable in a job that requires you to pretty much just show up...I could seriously do this job from home.

So my final weeks will consist of pretty much trying to save up as much money as humanly possible and one or two more remaining guests from Wisco. Till I get the periodical updates from London and occasional e-mails from friends past discussion our soon to be reconciliation events....I wait.

I hate waiting.

Closure.....at least the best I can ask for.

2006-07-18T12:46:00.000-05:00

So it's final.

London
Fall 2006

I'm there.

9-12 months (possibly longer if they offer me a research position or entrance into the PhD program)

It's together
It will stay that way

Things to keep in mind when dealing with a school in the UK

2006-07-12T13:58:00.000-05:00

So yes, by now...I've mentioned this to the point of overkill with my friends, family and any other poor sumbitch to listen, I'm going to school in London this fall.

Well, it's about an 80 percent chance....

Why do you ask? So close to the closing moments and you're still not absolutely positive? What the hell is wrong with you, stupid Mexican!

Let me tell you something about the English.

They sure love to take their time with everything.

At first, I thought it was some sort of revenge against us because we voted for GW, but then I suddenly realized (with the help of my already UK bound friend TC) that this was no plot at all. They've been doing this for hundreds of years!

Apparently, they don't let you know where you're living until late July/August.....and then you have to submit deposits and whatnot for a room you're not even sure you're going to have. So even if I don't get a room (which is also possible because one of the major halls is undergoing construction) I'm going to have a month before I can get my shit together and find a place in London that won't cost me my first born child.

THEN! I have to make sure that I get all the proper paperwork in order in order to go to the British Embassy and apply for a student visa. If there is one form missing ( alot of these forms are probably sitting on a desk in Central London as I type this) I'm sent away. The visa also costs around 200 US which is nonrefundable. Awesome yes I know.

If this doesn't happen while I'm here, that means I have to go to the Embassy in Chicago...with no car and limited funds it'll equal to be one fucking pain in the ass.....but I'm planning on visiting a few people down there anyways so whatever.

Plus, my funding isn't even secure yet.....so that's another huge boulder.

So essentially, I have no home, no guarantee, no money, and no visa less than 3 months away from school. I'm a little stressed......I dream of the days of sitting in the backyard grilling food.

New York, I think I'm officially done with you.

Golly gee, has it really been 2 and a half months?

2006-06-26T08:54:00.000-05:00

Well I suppose there should be some monumental updates in order:

1. The friends from Madison came in style...they left in tatters....highlights included me falling asleep in a bar, someone urinating on a rug, someone getting roof burns, a Yankee game that is forgettable, the financial district, chinatown, and subpar italian food. Grillout on the rooftop that involved Groppi's (now called Sendeks) and a Sunday night in a half comatose state.

2. Other friends from Chicago which involved some minor drinking, more sightseeing, a renewal of friendships and a making of one, and me feeling just out of it for the entire time they were here.

Yeah, that's really about it...my life is not that exciting, my current budget plan does not allow me to take many liberties in this city...which is a damn shame really.

So the current count is about 2 months...I have 2 months left in this city and it's very odd to me. Here I have lived here for over a year in the capital of the world, and I'm going to be leaving to head back to the Midwest for a few weeks. The things I'm looking forward to are hokey Midwesternisms such as fields, quiet mornings, fried cheese, old friends, lakefront, madison farmer's market, etc. etc. However, it's gonna be different when I get there...much like life. For instance.

By the time I get home...my childhood home will no longer be the place I return to. You see my father and stepmother decided to sell the house and move into a bigger one. Sensible, very much so; but I suppose I do feel a sense of loss especially since I'll be returning to a place that will be unfamiliar to me. I suppose the downsides to leaving your home to start a different chapter of your life is that life at home still revolves and evolves even when you're not around.

There has been some slight anxiety about this impending return to Wisconsin, and the inevitable trek to London. Will I like it? WIll I be bored? Will I be up to the challenge? Many doubts and thoughts have surfaced lately and I'm not exactly sure if I dig on all of them. As the time approaches there are still so many uncertainities and probabilities that haven't even been accounted for you and cannot be until the proper red tape is cleared. So I'm in stasis...much like I've been for the past year.....with the exception that I don't work at the Rathskeller and I make a WAY better wage doing FAR less....and I don't go home smelling like grilled meat and stale beer...can't say I miss that.

Well......those are the small thoughts that I'll put up for now...sorry I haven't updated but seriously, my life has been the antithesis of exciting and for the 3 readers out there....well you guys had other things to do anyways, admit it.

What I am looking forward to?

Munich
Oktoberfest

Dig it.

In NYC this fine day, SNOW!

2006-04-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

There is a blizzard outside! It started out with a few flurries and a hope that it would melt as soon as it hit the ground. That hope has now deteriorated into a blizzard with flakes as fat as the sausage platters I'll be eating at the end of the month THAT'S RIGHT MICHALSKI!

Anyways, it is times like these that make me think of back home. The drives down KK, the Sunday night eats at Pizza Shuttle and the lonely rides through downtown when I couldn't sleep. Real Chili, The Safehouse, and about a thousand different memories of the town I used to (and in some ways still) call home. However, there is a reason why I left home...and that reason resonates with me now more than ever.

This is not to say, I look down on everyone who is still back in Milwaukee and Wisconsin for that matter. There are many of my friends who have found good jobs, have good lives, and make a good wage doing the things they want to do. My brother is working it up at the PD and he likes his job, he likes his home...these things are important to him, and his happiness is important to me. I'm glad for Hoppert and Kullman and about a thousand other friends of mine (of course, I don't have that many who like me..hate me maybe.) who have found their niche.

I couldn't find my niche in Wisconsin, call it a whiff of superiority or whatever, but it wasn't that at all. I still do miss things in Wisconsin and goodness knows that last summer, and I suspect this summer, will arise in me missing more than anything...the greatest grillouts in some of the greatest weather on the planet. This will be while I'm charring a italian sauage on a mini grill on the rooftop not overlooking trees and the sounds of birds...but the sounds of car horns and a Yankee game.

However, despite what I miss back home, be it friends, family, life, food, familiarity...it's good to be in New York. I'm glad that I was able to pose this challenge to myself to pretty much toss aside everything I ever knew and just dive into something unfamiliar. I'm proud of the fact that I'm able to say for the rest of my life that I lived in the largest city in the US for over a year, in HARLEM and I wouldn't trade MOST of it for anything in the world.

As the future goes on for us all, we'll all spread out to several places, some of us will stay and that will be fine but the point of it is is that we'll grow no matter what, and what we do with that growth is really up to every one of us. Whether it be working in a law office tossing files around or working in a restaurant, we are in charge of the present, and our future.

Did I forget to mention how glad I am that I left St. Francis, that I left Milwaukee? Not because I have disdain for those places, but they wouldn't have allowed me to expand my view of life and the world. I love those places dearly.....but they are the past, I'm moving for my future.

Updates updates

2006-03-17T13:48:00.000-06:00

Wisconsin got schooled by Arizona. I suppose we deserve this, and in my darkest of hearts, I sort of expected it. You can't shoot like we've been shooting (especially from the line) and not have it come back and bite you squarely on the ass. At least we're a young team.

My brackets are essentially fucked because of Northwestern St and Syracuse. Thanks a lot you piles of pigshit. Oh well, suppose they don't call it gambling for nothing.

It's St. Pat's Day which means after work it'll be a Guinness drinking job! For the record, yes I am wearing green, and yes...I will try to find green beer.

ARGH BAD WISCONSIN!

New medication

2006-03-09T08:39:00.000-06:00

Under new management is what my brain should read:

This new medication I have to take to keep the infection at bay (the stomach one you perverts), causes insomnia. Hence, I haven't slept for shit in the past 5 days. I don't sleep well anyways, but now instead of averaging 4 to 5 hours a night I'm getting about 2-4 hours per night. It's taking a minor toll on me as I almost left my apartment without my glasses.

I'm practically blind without them.

So, I'm just gonna have to be a slight bit more meticulous to detail as I go along my days. Hopefully the side effects go away sooner than later.

Okay two things:

1)Dubai ports deal? Is it good or bad that we struck it down?

2)Vacation spot, where would you go?

This is a quick post, I just had that to throw out there in case I sound a little more out there than I normally do. Now back to not trying to fall asleep, big surprise that at work is when I'm the most tired.

Favorite line of the day!

2006-03-08T14:04:00.000-06:00

This comes from the AP in regards to the new bill that bans politicans from accepting gifts (including meals) from lobbyists.

"Sen. Trent Lott, R-Miss., chairman of the Rules Committee and one of the authors of the base bill along with Dodd, went along with the amendment but warned it could cause unintended problems every time a lawmaker or staff attended a reception where food was available."

"It's totally ludicrous that we are doing this," he said. "I'll be eating with my wife and so will a lot more senators after we pass this one."

Who knew that was such a cruel fate?

Meanwhile back in Wisconsin

2006-03-02T13:48:00.000-06:00

I took a few days to post this...mainly because the BrianNa post was necessary to clear the air on what law firms are.

However, I read about this the other day on Althouse and to be honest....it's depressing to even think about:

http://www.jsonline.com/news/state/nov04/275013.asp

So, looks like Wisconsin jumped on the bandwagon and decided to throw gay marriage onto the ballot. This is classic of what conservatives have been doing to save their asses come mid-election. The last election all of a sudden gay marriage came onto televisions all over America and it started polarizing the population...of course even if you disagreed with the current administration but held the religious (and stupid) belief that marriage is only healthy and productive when the opposite sexes come together, you still voted red because they adopted the gay marriage ban.

I mean, a constitutional amendment? They're going to add THIS on the ballot when there are far greater problems in this country?

This isn't even a problem! This is a ploy! A stupid tactic concocted by the few who know the blindly religious are normally not the brightest, but are still nonetheless voters!

Now, and no surprise to those who know me....I'm conservative, and in fact...call myself a Republican. There are things in the conservative framework that I believe in strongly such as less government, more freedom. However, that seems to be leaning me towards the Libertarian camp as of late because of the stupidity of those within this party.

You attack a group of people because they love each other enough to make it known to the world and the eyes of the law that they want to stay together forever? Because what??? it warps family values???? two dads are worse than a mom and dad who hate each other?

Maybe the fact that fifty percent of marriages today end in divorce hasn't reached the desk of these lawmakers who think that it's wholesome and wonderful that only the opposite sexes marry. I'm sure at the very least, gays can't do any worse than straight people have done.

Now, I can see if they don't want marriages....some people that is still touchy, but no civil unions???!!? You're not even going to give them the right to have the same benefits as a married fat, stupid, heterosexual couple working at the K-Mart? Despite the fact that they're just as productive and just as important to society?

It's been far too long to carry these hurtful misconceptions that gays are somehow more deviant and that their lifestyle negatively affects everyone. I'm pulling the card...I have known plenty of gay people in my life and guess what people, they're exactly the same. Some are sluts...but if you've ever seen your daughters in Madison on a Saturday, they're not convent nuns either. Some are bad people....because there will always be bad PEOPLE not just bad GAYS or bad STRAIGHTS...but they're freaking people goddamn it! Let them have some goddamn happiness and the right to live at least a normal life!

So...to those Wisconsinites who would vote against allowing gays (I never say gays and lesbians beacuse I just put them together, is that wrong? Let me know) marriage or at the very least civil unions.

fuck you, you make me ashamed and you fill the preconception that people from the Midwest are uneducated, because you obviously are. fuck you for your closed mindedness and the way you've lived your sheltered life. fuck you for being a part of the same state that I was born in and love deeply because when I say I'm from Wisconsin I'm lumped in with you cornbreads. Ugh...

What is funny in this world.

2006-03-01T12:42:00.000-06:00

Well, there are a lot of things that are funny. I'll name two particular instances that struck me as being hilarious.

I had to go grab lunch today, because it's Ash Wednesday and being a barely practicing Catholic I accidentally packed a pastrami sandwich instead of something non-meat related. Apparently, you also abstain from meat on Ash Wednesday, this I was unaware of (told you I'm a barely practicing one). Got my tuna sandwich and devoured it like a Ugandan and headed back to work. On the way to work, right in front of Radio City came these three guys with a coat rack and started screaming "TWENTY DOLLARS, COAT FOR TWENTY DOLLARS". This does happen fairly often, but never that spur of the moment and NEVER have I see such an outpouring toward a few merchants. In about ten seconds flat the entire space was consumed by anxious purchasers (mostly from the UK, they always are) ready to spring their hard earned dollars for coats that will probably disintegrate in the rain. No one else so much as batted an eyelash, it happens all the time...but the amount of time it took for the consumerism to commence was jaw dropping to a semi-newish transplant such as myself.

Senor Michalski works with a female at his firm, someone whom I have never met. Anyways, we spat back jesting remarks back and forth and I, in retaliation for being called a cum dumpster and gutter slut (the originality abounds here) let out a thoughtful response. I was condemned for my response being "lengthy" which I was told was not typical of a law firm.

Now........ladies and gentlemen, I call bullshit. I'm smacking the bullshit button with ferocity, because that is simply not true. Anyone who works at a lawfirm knows that clear and concise must not have been in the legalese handbook they all received because this place is a holding pen for all things paperwork related. Do you know that I've seen memos that have repeated other memos that have gone for over 10 pages just talking about 1 simple rule and 2 ways to counteract that rule? Did you know that in some courts the particular judges will have rules for court proceedings, each one can have different procedures? An example off the top of my head is that in some courts, there is a 25 page brief rule. Anything over that 25 page brief you have to file a motion asking the judge to grant you a few more pages...this sometimes can be as large as the brief itself. THEN the court issues a RULING stating why they will grant the motion. It's fantastic really. I've seen lawyers who have color coordinated, multi-numbered, blue sheet filled binders filled with such useless shit that it's better for kindling than for work. Not to mention the file that we have......oooooooo the files, they are abundant....and most never say anything useful.

Point is, law firms are not clear and concise....they try to mask details and be picky about word definitions to the point that most things that are taken for granted are thrown out the window (best example in the known world, the lawyers who suggested that Bill Clinton ask the Independent Counsel what the definition of "is" was.) Being vague and hiding the details is what gets massive corporations off the hook. When someone has a document production request, you send them 25 crates of various documents completely out of order. Needle in a haystack, yes...and it's meant to be that way. This is why you have 5 lawyers and more working on one matter...this is why you have document productions and thirteen hour depositions and year long court battles and appeals and repeals and motions and extensions...all to muddle the fucking wheels....and all for the sake of confusion and masking not clarification and conhesiveness.

Being heavy on paperwork and words are what makes law firms so damn successful, and my law firm is damn successful. This however, has absolutely nothing to do with me.

On another note, 6 more days and I'll have been here for an entire year.

Droplets in the socialization bucket.

2006-02-22T23:27:00.000-06:00

So I haven't been that social for the past two weeks. Some of it has been a mixture of working on my essay and some of it has just been I havent felt that social. So there you go.

I sometimes marvel at my job and how the kids at Starbucks are working far harder than I am and I make WAY more than they are. I suppose that was the tradeoff. If I wanted to work semi-paying film production jobs, there would have to had been a settling in terms of the type of job I would be able to take. There would have to be a job set aside for me that would have to let me off when I really needed it and was overly flexible yet had benefits......Starbucks.

Don't think I didn't apply there when I first got to NYC. When I got here, I was desperate for a job, I just got back from Europe for chrissakes and I didn't have a whole lot of pocket change to throw around. It was essential that I find a job and pronto. I can't even count how many times I filled out a Starbucks application...and just before I almost sold my entire soul and went to one of their *gulp* job fairs, I got called to work at my respectable firm.

The main lawyers I work for are gone this week, so I've been left to much of my own devices. Tomorrow I'll play a little catchup and send them an e-mail telling them what mail they have...but I know they won't answer back, would you if you ewre on vacation away from the daily hell?

Which is okay, they can have their time...and I can have my time away from this:

2:45 PM EST...I'm sitting at my desk, more likely than not looking at the Superficial...yes I understand that it's gossip but I love the fact that they carpetbomb the hell out of everyone they make fun of. Attached to my phone is an intercom so the lawyers can get direct hold of me, I usually pick up the receiver right away because I absolutely hate the noise that it makes but sometimes I like to make them sweat and have them say my name before I pick up...I love those moments of silence. Well.....buzzer goes off...my part is in Italics.

Yes?

*Gum Chomping* (side note, I FUCKING HATE WHEN PEOPLE CHOMP ON THEIR GUM AND THIS PERSON DOES IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME, IT IS NOT FUCKING HIGHSCHOOL!...ahem

"Hi, I can't find X's Binder and I know I had it here somewhere, do you have it out there?

(I never do, ever ever but I humor her because despite her faults she's nice to me 90 percent of the time.)

ummmmmmmmm........no can't say I do.

"Are you sure? *CHOMP* Because I'm looking everywhere in my office and I can't find it. God, my office is a mess I really need to clean it up someday...*CHOMP* I wish I could have time to do it but there is always some sort of shit I need to do"

(I'm fairly sure this is her subtle hint for me to ask if I could help her clean, not sure...but either way there is no freaking way I'm budging.)

Nope, I have Y's Binder but you don't want that one.

"No, man where is that binder I know it has to be around here somewhere. Oh by the way did we get Z's client/matter form request sent to Conflicts Coordinator? I'd like to have some of those letters filed this week. *CHOMP*

(Dead silence on the intercom.......I have no idea whether to hang up or say hello or just sit there........I take the passive approach and sit there.....30 seconds go by)

"Oh here it is" (it's always there) "thanks!"

Click.

Did I mention health benefits?

Updates

2006-02-21T11:16:00.000-06:00

So this weekend was anything really to talk about. For the most part I spent some time walking around and some other time doing relatively little besides working on my essay. It's going well so far (about 5-6 pages) so I'm hoping to be done with the first draft by the end of next weekend.

So a few things:

1. Yesterday I was in the grocery store, and then became very disoriented and confused. I wasn't sure why I was in the store or exactly what I needed to buy. Next time I'm going to bring a list but I'm definitely gonna take note of that incident. Anyone else ever have something like that? Very odd.

2. I usually pride myself on being able to control my dreams, being able to get out of them and able to realize when I am in fact, dreaming. However, I've had nightmares for the past two nights which have been troubling. In particular, I had one where someone shot up my office last night and the other night Canadiens were attacking in a submarine (which is funny...they must've gotten it on loan from the mall since as of last check they only have 2 subs in the entire fleet) and I accidentally shot someone. Lots of gunplay in both dreams. I have been playing Wolfenstein far too much...maybe I should take a breather for the time being.....some mental health time to heal up.

3. Dave Little is moving to Brooklyn...so that means open season for a new roommate...wondering who it's going to be. Also...turns out we made the grade on our lease agreement...pay for 11 months on time...12th month FREE! How freaking sweet is that?!

4. Two biggest assholes in the universe right now.

Jack Thompson (I won't even link this prick...check wikipedia)

Scooter Libby, do you know this douchebag actually opened a
defense fund? You should check out the website too.

Where it shows supportive quotes from Bush, Cheney, and Tucker "I'm now 30 lbs overweight and hosting cooking shows because I can't debate" Carlson. I was willing to donate a penny to the defense fund and donate a dollar to the prosecution...I suppose I can have them take that dollar out of my NY taxes. I hope this sonofabitch goes to jail, but more likely than not...he'll end up being in a consulting group. Same goes for your Cheney.

5. Brings me to Cheney. This shooting thing.....massively overblown. Hunting accidents fucking happen, I'm sorry they do. The lack of reporting was a little odd but you know what, it's not like we were NEVER GOING TO KNOW! The VP of the UNITED STATES shot someone. They're just pissed because a small town newspaper got it. I mean, the man who was shot wasn't pissed...I think he gets to be the one angry out of anyone don't you think? So seriously, and I'm not agreeing with the White House much these days, move the fuck on!

Partly Cloudy 30 degrees.....gonna be one of those weeks.

One more reason I'm Pro-Midwest

2006-02-16T20:43:00.000-06:00

My lovely friend Katy Considine gave me a link to this site.

http://www.wolfgangsvault.com

You like your classic rock? You go here NOW!

When you know you belong in the Midwest

2006-02-13T11:50:00.000-06:00

Now, I remember saying to my father in regards to New York

"well, I just want to go out there for a bit and see what it's about, and if I like it I'll stay and if not I'll leave"

Well, I know....I don't WANT to leave...like right now, but I definitely do not belong here.

My sensibilities and the way I am from my upbringing clash horribly with this city, the only friends I have are people who are pretty much NOT from the east coast...the majority are from California actually.

For one, it's incredibly difficult to meet different people. I'm not very social as it is and have been called shy by many. Definitely not the friends I have now, but I don't have many in this city. Everyone is paranoid of everyone else...although I have seen many random acts of kindness in this city, there is still this way of keeping everyone at arm's length that is very discomforting to me.

Two, this city is way too fucking expensive and it's only going to get worse. I read in the paper last month that the real estate values of places in Brooklyn went up over 200 PERCENT in the last year! Can you believe that? The average cost of a piece of property, and we're not even talking a very good one, is 800K! Soon, New York is going to swallow itself whole, and everyone who doesnt make more than 200K a year will have to commute from Jersey.

Three, Times Square......I.........HATE.......TIMES SQUARE.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking "but it's so great and all those lights"
IT SUCKS! You know I see Times Square every single morning? I also see Central Park, but that is another story....but you know what else I see every morning trudging to work? TOURISTS! Yes, YOU! With your cameras, and your badly coordinated clothes (fanny packs?!).
Why must you insist on standing in my way? I'm merely trying to go to work...so I can spend the next eight hours preparing Wills and trusts of people who will have more money than I'll ever see and work for lawyers who are completely oblivious to everything but their billable hour (they're nice, but they're programmed that way...that's why they're rich and I'm not), and you are absolutely adament about cutting a LINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN STREET! So yes, I'm going to say excuse me...and if you don't move I'm going to push through you...I don't care how big you are because the bigger you are the more times you're merely surprised that someone like me is willing to step through you. Sorry pal, but I gotta get to work, you're just another meal ticket for the vendors.

Anyways, things have been progressing nicely...I've been thinking about where I want to live if I get to London and whether or not iwant my own room (i'm siding towards yes) and whether or not I want to live right in Central London (that's also going towards a yes)...lots of paperwork, i forgot about this stuff.

This was a rambling post, but that is because I wrote this in a combo of two days...sometimes i'll just "f it, I'm not going to write anymore" and that's that. Yesterday was one of those days.

Back to The Aristocrats!

2006-02-10T15:02:00.000-06:00

You are Thomas L. Friedman! You're the foreign

affairs expert. You're liberal on most

issues, except you're a leading voice in the

pro-war movement. You're probably the most

popular columnist at the Times, but probably

because you play both sides of the Iraq issue

and relish your devotion to what you call

"fanatical moderatism." You sure

can write, but you could work on your sense

of humor.

Which New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

A few change I'm supposing are time.

2006-02-07T09:28:00.000-06:00

So yes, I haven't updated in a long time. Yes, I haven't really had a lot to say. This is what has happened since.

I got really ill over the last two or three weeks. At first, I thought it was just a cold and a bad cough which is the absolute staple of my winters. I swear, I could be in the Bahamas and I'd still be sniffling. Well then it developed into a fever, then i couldn't swallow anything (insert jokes here).

By Saturday I went into the hospital to get checked out, this is after day three of not being able to swallow water or soup. Off to the Emergency room I went!

Now, I don't know exactly whyyyyyyy they call it the Emergency room because you're always there waiting forever. You could be the only person in Montana General Hospital and you'd still be there for at least a hour. I feel that if you don't hemorrage or convulse they're going to make you sit on it.
So I was in the hospital, getting the regular x-rays and fluids and things to make my stomach not feel so bad.

Backtrack...the main problem, the problem I went into the hospital for was because of the swallowing...but it wasn't because my throat hurt, it was because every single time Iw ould swallow anything it felt like someone was making me eat a needle grenade and the second it hit my esophagus and into my stomach, it was a blazing inferno of unbelievable pain. WHen the pain started to transfer into just normal activities was about the time I said fuck it and called the doctor...I'm not paying health insurance to not take them for all they're worth!

Overnight in the hospital, I got my first rectal exam (let me tell you.......I DO NOT EVER WANT TO GO TO PRISON!) If they want a scared straight program that works...they just got to do that and you'll get freaked the fuck out forevermore! Nothing like a foreign hand to make you realize just what you do not enjoy.

Got to catch up on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network......sigh I miss cable. Anyways, two shows...>Cowboy Bebop and Boondocks...watch them.

Next day, back out and went into work. That was a mistake and a half....I was sweating profusely and all I could really do was shuffle back and forth between desks because I had absolutely no strength in me.

And then I had my wisdom teeth taken out.

Since then......eating a bunch of solids hasn't been a possibililty....although I'm working up to it and eventually working up to the huge BBQ RIB DINNER I WILL BUY FOR MYSELF.

Nothing like the lack of food to make you realize just how much you miss bad food.

and how are you?

Milton

2006-01-18T15:14:00.000-06:00

I sit at my cluster, surrounded by the lovely black desk accessories that clutter my area.

My 2, count them TWO black Swingline staplers.

Yes, I did try to see if I could get one in red. No dice.

Three hold puncher...another one for heavy duty printouts.
Heavy duty stapler
Staple removers (3)
Stamps (5)
Pens (15)
Work Tray (which they never seem to understand is for work)
Binders
Telephone
Keyboard
Monitor
Funeral....I mean umm...that's it.

I haven' t written much lately, because frankly I haven't had a whole lot to say. This is the lull period between me working and trying to save as much money as humanly possible, and preparing for London by reading and writing as much as I possibly can. On top of trying to learn new words, I'm also becoming accustomed to my anger at the "media effects" specialists and their innane and basic writing.

It's a slow burn really....almost like a kettle about to shoot off steam.

Let's see what happened recently.

Badgers beat MINNESOTA...HAHAHAHAHHAHAH MICHALSKI COMPLETE SHUTOUT THIS YEAR YOU SUCK!

I bought a new video game...more details when I feel like it...but not like you really care anyways.

Still trying to find good places for beer in NYC, I just recently found a place in midtown that serves Fullers ESB on tap. Imagine how pleasantly surprised I was about that!

Shit I really have nothing to say.

2006-01-10T08:21:00.000-06:00

She doesn't hate me, you have no idea how glad that makes me feel.

My day so far.

2006-01-06T11:01:00.000-06:00

7:40 AM...woke up - hit alarm button, cursed, went back to sleep.

7:45 AM...woke up - repeat

7:50 AM... take a guess

7:55 AM...actually woke up and showered, made sure to upload todays news reports into the iPod for the subway ride, packed a peanut butter sandwich and an orange and headed out the door

8:25 AM...after listening to the NPR news (I'm THAT guy), I decided some different things are in order. Scroll to Garbage that I ripped off one of Jenaveve's CD's last night (I did this for 2.5 horus last night) and listening to their first CD. Anyone remember how good this CD was?

8:30 AM...hop on the 6 train for the downtown trek to 59th St. Pray that I don't know anyone on the train because I'm too busy listening to my music (believe it or not, I have run into people on the subway before.)

8:40 AM...get off on 59th St. By now I've switched to the Doors "L.A. Woman" because I'm about ready to take a nap on the stairs down to the N train.

8:43 AM...on the N train happily making the trek to work (at this time take a bottle of syrup, rip off the label, write sarcasm on a piece of white tape, apply on syrup then proceed to rain syrup on the word "happily")

8:47 AM...get off and make it into work. See, today is Friday and all the serfs know that means it's free bagel day. The pack of hungry wolves disperses on the 37th floor and I make my way into the area to grab a bagel and a bran muffin. Some people take two of everything and then wonder why exactly, they are overweight. I try to avoid most people, make good conversation with my friend inside and then go to the elevator to 43.

8:53 AM...make my way to my desk and boot up the computer "Do not recognize Device 2"...hmmm that's weird...I'll press space bar...Success! Log in and get milk and coffee.

8:55 AM...Now rip through my food with the intensity of a somalian at a buffet. For some odd reason food always tastes MUCH MUCH better when it's free. I'm logging in to check e-mail and whatnot. It's quiet.

9:15 AM...Did the little work I had prepared this morning, and now I sit.

9:35 AM...Oh I can read the superficial!

9:55 AM...Althouse.

10:15 AM... Okay something anyone?

10:45 AM...I have answered one phone call since I got here today.

11:15 AM...I found a tennis game online, by now I have my shoes off and am utilizing my pixalted Steffi Graf for destructive means by picking away at Martina Hingis like a chicken bone. I win the tourney and am treated to a "You win!" Everyone knows really though, that I lost big time.

11:35 AM...Only so much I can think of doing....mmm that peanut butter sandwich sounds good.

11:55 AM...No more peanut butter sandwich, ooo I'll write in my blog.

12:05 AM...Now writing.

12:10 AM...Just realized I can use this spare back supporter as a cushion for my feet. I currently am working on the 43rd floor of an international law firm. I have my shoes off, my feet propped up and am quietly waiting out the next 4 hours and 49 minutes before I can leave to start my weekend.

so this is the professional life?

Oh, and I got into London. Don't tell my parents, I'm telling them this weekend. Barring financial troubles, come October I'll be London bound.

Have a good weekend all.

Decisions in '06

2005-12-30T11:06:00.000-06:00

So I figured I should come up with a few ways to improve my life. There are definitely areas that need a little addressing and of course the New Year is coming up. Sometimes I wonder if I simply just let them all build up to the New Year just so I can say 'well, I can make a resolution and make them all go away'. Doesn't really matter now so resolution time!

1. I will surround myself with challenging people. By challenging, I mean people I can actively engage with and try to promote myself both intellectually and in a cornass way, spiritually. I find that sometimes in NYC I'm diong the exact fucking thing I've been doing since I was in Wisconsin. That is no way to be living.
2. There will be little fear in my actions. I need to be more bold in the choices I make, the safe bets are too safe and provide no real advancement. I could just as easily work at the firm for the rest of my life and be moderately comfortable...however I would be absolutely dead inside but hey at least it was the SAFE thing to do.
3. I will read more. Just because I think everyone needs to.

These are the things I feel are the most important. One must start inside to make a better outside or some sort of self-help bullshit that I can't think of. I'll still swear like a sailor and throw out witty, degrading comments that will still confound others but at the same time, a positive change needs to be done.

iPod

2005-12-29T18:05:00.000-06:00

Now I own one.

The Conservative Brotherhood?? Who brings the sacrifice?

2005-12-21T09:29:00.000-06:00

This traffic strike is REALLY startig to piss me off. I'm normally a decently pro-union man because I'm sure corporations would take everything they could just short of raping from their employees.. However, this just seems like a pissing contest between two swelled up pigs who have too much money. Too bad they can't fine the both of you fucks.

In other news I got to walk 66 blocks to work today.

This isn't why I post, I figure you probably read about this strike in the paper and if you know me, you know I'm not rosy sunshine over this. No, what I wanted to write about takes on a different bear altogether.

I read althouse online. She's a peculiar conservative blogger who is also a law professor at Wisconsin. For the most part, I find her absolutely brilliant even though some things I do disagree with her on. When I get tired of reading what she types (usually because I already read it all, she's a consistent blogger) I take a look at her other sites. One of which is something called the Conservative Brotherhood.....I'm thinking...OOOOO Cult! Click here.

It's a group of blacks who support conservative thought. I think, more power to them since anyone who is black that is mildly conservative seems to get painted an Uncle Tom. Didn't know that when you came out of the womb you automatically had to vote for a Jackass even if they hate you.

Again, not the point.

One of their posts was as follows

Let Them Have Condoms
Submitted by spierce on Thu, 2005-12-01 11:00.
South African Bishop Opposes Vatican's Ban on Condoms
A Catholic bishop in South Africa has become a leading opponent of the church's ban on the use of condoms.

Bishop Kevin Dowling presides over Rustenburg, an impoverished mining town that has been ravaged by HIV/ AIDS. With so much suffering caused by the virus, Dowling considers the Vatican's ban morally unacceptable.

The Bishop works with young single mothers and their children who have HIV/AIDS. They live around the mine to sell themselves to the men who work in the mines. Presumably when these men go home to their wives they infect them as well. No mention was made of teaching these women some life skills so that they don't have to make a living by selling their bodies. Nope, let's just push condoms at them (getting made at those who challenge the world's dependence on condoms) and let them continue in a lifestyle that devalues them and will lead to their deaths.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First off, this man (or woman, I'm equal opportunity) is a fucking moron. He or she, I'm just gonna say he from now on because I'll assume this idiocy is from a male misses the point entirely by not understanding the article and shooting off into blind conservative mode (there is also a blind liberal mode, again, equal opportunity).

So let's examine his statement one line at a time.
No mention was made of teaching these women some life skills so that they don't have to make a living by selling their bodies.
You're right...nothing was mentioned of this, oh wait...except for the fact that the description of this town was IMPOVERISHED and a MINING town. Both of these things are never truly conducive for women, add that to the fact that this is Africa where genital mutilation can be done at the local grocery store and you get women who are shit out of luck. I as well, am not condoning their actions of prostitution but you need to realize that this women are left with really no other choice. If these women are single and with children (many are) than they're in an even bigger hole. What kind of life choices are you gonna teach oh Conservative Brotherhood blogger? How to cook? How to clean? How to live in their tin shack or probably in the field while picking what crops they don't have.

Nope, let's just push condoms at them (getting made at those who challenge the world's dependence on condoms) and let them continue in a lifestyle that devalues them and will lead to their deaths

Why yes, lets just throw them condoms...as a matter of fact, I'm going to devise a machine that we can attached to a weather balloon, that will shower condoms upon the populace so that they can fuck like bunnies!!!! EVERYONE FUCK LIKE BUNNIES!!!
Ahem....I mean, yeah.
Listen pal, these women are not stupid. They know they run the risk of contracting HIV and AIDS and dying, but guess what dipshit? Their chances of getting out of the world they know of are about as slim as myself being drafted to play on a NFL team...although them Texans need the help! This is probably what they're stuck with, and although I'm sure selling themselves is not their profession of choice, it is what they're faced with.
So let me ask you, what really devalues them and leads them to their deaths?

1. Having the bishop (who they rely heavily on) to say NO CONDOMS SINNERS, cut them off entirely, so they can have a group of unknown people having sex with them while they marinate on the thought that this person might be giving them HIV, all because some old fart (I respect God, not a man elected by other men to represent God's voice) is so stauchly against condoms he seems to be blind to all reasoning? OR!

2. Give them condoms, try to let them know that there could be help for them to get out of their situation but at the same time give them the tools needed so if they do in fact go on to have sex they can do so with the extremely slim possibility of contracting HIV.

Your choice asshole.

Actually it isn't your choice...and that leaves the bishop, those women, and myself fucking elated!

and I got lazy.

2005-12-16T12:39:00.000-06:00

It's been about a month, not like I haven't looked at this website and thought 'gee, I should really do something about this'. Lets see what has developed since my last post.

1. Went back to Milwaukee, celebrated my birthday, saw a Bucks game, hung out with the kids, saw the beauty that was the Port of Hamburg, saw friends (but not all of them!), got to drive around..something I dearly miss, ate good Wisconsin food, drank good Wisconsin beer, froze my ass off.
2. .
3. Been working a tad more at the firm lately. Seems like they're putting more trust into the things I've been doing so I've been able to get a little overtime out of all of this. Money = good.
4. Still waiting on London to know what the hell is going on.
5. Getting geared up for Christmas carols at the Kettle of Fish on Sunday.

I've done the majority of the Christmas shopping, but it was online so it was a half half copout. Simply having the gifts sent home without seeing them firsthand can be hazardous.

It was little Anna's birthday yesterday...she got a Barbie and some dresses. She is getting so big now, I can't believe she's already 5! Soon Phillip will be 7 and I'll be officially bewildered that I remember these kids when they were little blobs with hearts.

Was able to purchase a Christmas tree (it is fake but shit man small real trees go for at least 30 here in NYC!) and decorated it while drinking some holiday nog. Anyone else have an unhealthy obsession with this thick goo like myself? Many of the roommates and the neighbors were around for the festivities and it was cheerful if slightly tipsy.

There has been talk of a possible transit strike in New York as of Tuesday. Originally, it was supposed to take place today and like any other good highrise now has in the face of the TERRORIST THREAT posed to the UNITED STATES, we had a contingency plan.

This consisted of:

Extra bike racks in the galleria.........in New York..........in December............with a forcast of rain mixed with snow.

Shared cab rides...which I can't see ending well for cabbies...You know how many people are going to ditch out on the fares?

NYC has contingency plans themselves..Which seems to merely involve a large amount of carpooling. For instance, there is a rule that no car could enter below 96th street without at least 4 people in the vehicle. Can't exactly see how they inforce this without checking every car. If they check every car that would be used in lieu of the subways there would be lines backed up to West Chester! Face it people, without those workers...Manhattan is a ghost town and we're all screwed. Oh golly am I looking forward to walking!

Christmas I plan on heading back home for a very small amount of time. I figured, that next year I'm not gonna be living here in NYC and I'm not gonna live in the US grad school or not. Might as well skip a year but pay the extra cash out to spend it with the family this year. Plus of course, I want to torture myself with the late December freeze that is Milwaukee....Nothing like that cold to make you realize this cold is absolutely nothing.

We had a holiday party for our firm, which I can only sum up as being absolutelyinfuckingsane.

A ballroom (I know this is random but I just thought of it) was rented out at some hotel in Times Square. When you walked in you could instantly get yourself a glass of champaigne with the many waiters waiting at the entrance. The ridiculous open bar...oh wait they had THREE of them and the enormous assortment of foods they had for us. Remember, this isn'tyour JCPenney holiday party where you can get chicken or fish. Oh no, this was the you can get fresh made pasta dishes with shrimp or maybe take some leg of lamb or how about lobster tails or homemade sushi?

Why not have them all?

I took on the attitude of this glory like any other kid from the Midwest who grew up in a lower middle class household and barely ever left the state of Wisconsin would do:

I ate the things I couldn't afford
I drank the things I couldn't afford.

So:

1 leg of lamb please followed by japanese noodle salad with shitakke mushrooms
oh yes and could I have one johnny walker black neat and when I'm done with that grey goose and tonic please.

After this there were three more tables filled with more dessert than Dr. Phil. Didn't eat them but admired them all the same.

After this, we were (us lucky few) were escorted to a different club where apparently a partner was paying for the drinks of whomever attended.

Things got hazy after that.

I woke up....feeling the crushing effects of free everything and the red wine stains on my Kenneth Cole shirt.

Which has been buried.

But what a way to go.

Brain = empty.

5 hours...might as well be 11!

2005-11-18T12:59:00.000-06:00

Don't you hate those last few hours of work before you head for some destination?

The day I was leaving for London, I remember that day feeling like the longest day ever. Like I would never, EVER manage to get the hell out of here so I could fly to merry ol' England, look at a few schools, drink a hundred pints, and walk around enjoying the English lifestyle. Once 5 hit I was out of here like fat kid hitting up a cake convention. Although the flight wasn't till 11 so all that enthusiasm was pretty much useless.

Today is no different...after reading an article on Michael Robinson of Penn State (I love how they referred to Erasmus James as a 'tackler from Wisconsin' how about BIG FUCKING TRUCK THAT MADE YOU GO NIGHT NIGHT FOR 10 MINUTES??!!!") and how he has hope and dreams and a level head blah blah fucking blah.

Do sports writers actually write anything original anymore? Or is it some sort of consortium that simply copies each other's articles about future pro players who are not assholes (if they're not..fucking wait) and then inserts a different name.

Speaking of sports writers......who is the most useless sportswriter on the planet Earth? I'm absolutely convinced this guy got the job because either he A) gave the editor head B) was the cousin of the man who gave the editor head or C) hired a donkey to fellate himself while he gave the editor head who then gave it to the donkey and then a lot of uncomfortable sitautions and staring down at the floor ensued.

Jeff Protakyus
JEFF POTRYKUS....had to look it up from the website.

He writes for the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, mostly Wisconsin football stories...and he seems like an absolute foaming moron....actually no...not foaming, that would insinuate that he had some sort of energy level that reached above stupid.

Example: I like to read the badger chat transcripts because it shows other pissed off Wisconsin fans who hate to be jerked around in the final 3 games of every damn season. What makes us Wisconsin fans special (among other fans such as Philadelphia fans and Pittsburgh fans...we might have a kinship with PA BARRING Penn State) is that we will dump venom on you when you can't play well and we won't smile and take your shit pie.

so anyways...Potrykus says he will address the truly stupid questions with ???

Basically...I'm too busy waxing my dumbass head so I'm just gonna do ??? when the questions get beyond my usual one word response. If a 1st grader can't write it, why should I?

Examples galore!

Q: IAHawk007 of Iowa City, IA - Do you think that Kirk Ferentz knowing Barry Alvarez and Bret Bielema inside and out is what has led to the Hawkeyes owning the Badgers since Ron Dayne's record breaking game?

A: Jeff Potrykus - ??? (Get a life)

(Okay so that isn't a valid question because Iowa has OWNED Wisconsin???? Or did you simply not want to answer that because the current episode of CSI was boggling your mind?)

Q: Man of U.N.C.L.E. - Why don't better athletes want to play for Wisconsin? Do you still think John Stucco is a decent QB?

A: Jeff Potrykus - Better athletes?

(First you didn't answer ANY OF THE FUCKING QUESTION, second it's also a legitimate question....he asks why don't we recruit top talent and are forced to comply with middle bar talent? However again....maybe Jumanji was on and you were really enthralled by the performance of the CGI monkey, so maybe you had to cut this one short)

and finally!

Q: BadgerFan of St.Paul,MN - Jeff, I am not sold on Bielema. His players just make too many mistakes on the field to blame all the fault on the players rather than on the coach(es). I am glad the Badgers will have to hire a defensive coordinator to replace him. He'd better let the coordinators make the calls on the field in order to win games. What's you five cents (not two)?

A: Jeff Potrykus - ???

(You could at least say something you overpaid piece of cactus shit. Instead, again you just throw up the 3 ? and pretend you still know just what the hell you're talking about. Why isn't it fair to dump on Bielema?? This man is going to be out next head coach and his defense has been F'n terrible this season! Can't we be nervous or better yet ANGRY!?!?!?)

So there you have it, useless sports writer...when he has more gems (and he will because morons have more stupid things to say than corn on cob) I'll post them.

Please Milwaukee, be as fun as I think you will be...I need some battery charging.

Things I'm hoping for when I get back

1) That I'm relaxed and ready.
2) The Badgers got a BCS with a win over....hahah Hawaii.....i'm scared
3) I got a letter from London saying "yes! come to out school...NOW!"
4) That I ate so much turkey that Thanksgiving will forever be known as "Martinez vomit shower day"
5) You stop blogging

Ahhhh..................

Loving a rant, adoring a tirade.

2005-11-17T09:39:00.000-06:00

Anger is good.

I like the fact that I still have blistering anger inside of me over many things (tourists, really really fat people in wheelchairs for no medical reason except that they're lazy, practically all the music in my generation, and politicans...oh and bleeding heart liberals and batshit crazy conservatives).

Since some are surprised that I'm not in fact, a serial killer (as my Dad's friend Scott put so wonderfully at Water Street Brewery one year, much to my abundant laughter) I like to rant...good for the soul.

Yesterday was a prime example. If you read, you saw the fact that I went off on some unknown person (I like to call him pigshit if you don't mind). Haven't seen him in years, don't really know him that well anymore if I ever did....just one of those people...that the world would be okay with minus one.

Okay I'm done with that.
I'm excited about going home on Friday, but not so excited about the fact that it's 16 degrees there and we've pretty much had at the LOWEST the LOWEST....30. Sign of things to come. That's okay...I'll just have mountains of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and fried cheese and GOOD beer to keep me company.

Oh I'm gonna be a big fat kid.

I forgot what I was going to say.

ah well.

Few things

2005-11-15T11:50:00.000-06:00

I don't want to hear about the fucking pets, I don't give two shits about all the goddamn graphics on your fucking blog, take those and shove them up your stupid stupid fucking ass.

That was directly more at one person than another.

No not you.

The person it was directly to doesn't read this...and if HE does, I hope he gets hypnotic signals from this and shoves his head in a toilet and flushes...like so many people have probably wanted to do to this inept fuck over the years.

I hope you develop a rash

a bigger rash than what you probably already have you stupid fucking STD diseased fuck.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh now who wants coffee?!

I think that after this past week it can be official:

2005-11-15T11:16:00.000-06:00

Legal Assistants are no different from Legal Secretaries...except they are definitely on the bottom of the lawyer's shoe...and all we have to do is punch out and whip the middle finger.

Although, I wouldn't mind being a legal assistant...the pay with the overtime has to be better, and they seem to have more functions.

I have to say that I've become increasingly bitter about my job, seeing that I'm far more qualified than about 90 percent of the legal assistants that I've met. I don't doubt their willingness and their tenacity in dealing with the eccentricities of their respective lawyers, but when I ask how they got this job...it's absolutely mind boggling.

Besides hitting the print icon on my computer (which I've become so freaking good at that I can practically WILL the button to press itself...few more days and that...phone call...okay where was I...oh yes, willing the print button I'm on it)
I've been editing documents and photos and making sure things are coming out correctly through the printer. This is the supposed legal assistant work because one of the assistants is currently in London, and I've been made unofficial legal assistant to lawyer in New York.

So that is what I've been doing, wishing I got more respect around here. I also do love the fact that people automatically assume I'm a lawyer because I'm a male....some really dull pleasure out of it but hey what can ya do.

I mean...is this it??? Is this what legal assistants really do?? Because if it is...sign me up!

That won't happen, I'm stuck in this purgatory until....well that will not be disclosed.

I suppose this isn't bad though...hey just like purgatory...health insurance and my week vacation in Wisconsin will be WITH pay.

London letter....can you please get to me sooner so that I know where I'm going to move next year?

I know

2005-11-10T18:54:00.000-06:00

I haven't updated on the rest of my trip....I really don't feel like putting it into words except this.

I KNOW I want to go back and live for a year.

Fuller's Brewery tour....best tour ever.

Edinburgh has haggis...haggis is good....except for when you wash it down with about 10 pints of beer and many MANY shots of jager and scotch.

TC has a good life going on over there, his friends are cool and I'm glad they had me.

So...

I'll talk more maybe later.

Taking a poll.

name some good autumn songs.

London Part 1

2005-11-01T20:11:00.000-06:00

Not sure how many parts this will be.... but after looking at my pictures and realizing most of them weren't so hot....I'll give a narrative as well.

So my flight left JFK at about midnight on the Thursday (technically Friday). Did you know that the first two minutes both of takeoff and landing are the most dangerous? After that, you have a very small chance of dying.

So me, Jager, hot sauce, and my Premiere magazine were up in the air after midnight hoping to reach Heathrow by morning. The plane was nice...not as spacious as BA but it didn't matter because I had my own row both there and back BOOYAHKASHA. Also on the way there I had On Demand movies and TV. If I would have known I didn't get that on the way back I would've stayed up all night. I tried sleeping as much as possible and even going as far as getting a intsy liquored up before the trip. Not too much though just enough to feel relaxed. I hate flying.

Did you know they feed you on flights like you're a starving child in a remote village? I swear everytime I woke up there was some sort of food or drink item in front of me. I would take it and drink/eat it and go back to sleep. Wake up...gone!

fast forward...............10 AM. I'm landing in Heathrow and the sun is out....I seem to bring out the best in England. I get off the plane with the renewed excitement that yes I am in fact no longer in the United States. Then I hit the customs line.....ugh....easily the worst part of any travel. I mean honestly, if you did get asked what you're doing there...should your response be "well officer, I was gonna visit my friend and probably get really drunk a few days and stumble around your fine city and remark how everything is so fucking expensive....oh and then set off bombs all over the place".

However, we moved on from that and I dropped off my bags at the Settle Down where my friend Tony from college works. I met Kasha. She is from Poland and has an accent that would slice you into bite size pieces. She's incredibly nice though and was the unfortunate victim of many of my drunk take tons of photos episodes ( I really have to work on that but I'm guessing it's better than drowning puppies.......?) So the stuff is dropped off. I make my way across the street to Hyde Park. Hyde Park was the inspiration for Peter Pan and also holds Kensington Palace where Princess Diana lives. I took pictures of the Palace and walked around a marvelled at how beautiful the park really looks. Central Park is really nice because it's all wooded and almost concealed....Hyde Park is also very nice because it's very open with large rolling spaces. Walked around and grinned to myself a few times. Walked over to the Natural History museum which is free...>ALL THE MUSEUMS ARE FREE..>SUCK IT NYC!!!!
It's really a great museum and the building alone is beautiful. I'm not huge on the natural history museum thing because I've always sucked and been little interested in the physical sciences. never liked them but this was an exception. some of the shit i've seen here...including the spiders!!! oh Dan, you would have killed yourself had you seen these things. Oh as an aside....England...seems to have TONS OF SPIDERS. Everywhere, who knew?

So eventually Tony (from here on out he is TC to you all) gave me a call on his cell (I had it from the Settle Down), told me to meet him there. Since neither one of us really knew any othe rmutual place we both knew about to meet. fast forward half hour later and the hot sauce duo was reunited once again. What better way to celebrate than over beer! We drank that and I got introduced to the people of the Settle Down...several of which live with TC in his posh (not posh, but definitely very nice and spacious) home in Chiswick. SW London. Introduced to some fellow named Matt (or Mark?) from Australia...and jus tlike everyone I've ever met from Australia (AHEM JOHN) he's absolutely hilarious and out of his mind.

That was...until we brought out the Jager.

anyone ever tell you that stuff will kill you? I didn't drink much of it because I can always get it back here...but TC was drinking it and spreading it around like it was fairy dust to neverneverland. It was good...got to see lots of cringing faces of the professed "drinkers". bah.

Anyways, we stayed at the Settle Down for the night..I didn't need to tourist myself out because I've been there already, that worked out definitely to my advantage later on.

Fast forward to the morning. Bacon sandwiches...oh man I love this place already! How can you not love bacon sandwiches? especially since it seems to be a staple...or original english breakfast....which is

eggs
beans
mushrooms
tomatoes
hash brown waffle

condense and eat.
delicious!

We hop on the double deckers and head down towards Piccadilly Circuis area. Walk around SoHo and the West End with the various shows and the myriad of sex shops in the area. This place makes Greenwich look puritanical. TC and I park up a spot outside a pub and enjoy a tall ale while watching a gladiator street performer getting mocked....however he was making a bunch of money. We wax politics and sports, I think TC misses a North American kid because he can't really get into that shit with them overseas. Can't talk about cricket because that isn't a sport and you can't talk about soccer because no one is ever awake through the game (at least anyone who is sane).

We make out way to a pub in the middle of London that plays North American sports....NASN is what is it called. They're the lamest North American sports network ever and should be strung up by their balls if possible. don't believe me? go to their website for the programming

http://www.nasn.com

They're playing man I can't remember it was that bad.

the bar was also obnoxious...but they had Miller Lite. score.

That's one day..more to come.

it's okay

2005-10-20T09:49:00.000-05:00

So Mikey and Lawrence left today, it was good to see them. I have a feeling Mikey will be back much sooner than later. Lawrence should definitely go to Missouri on his motorcycle this weekend...something.

Why does the dollar keep falling against the pound...it was a 1.74 the other day now it is 1.77. Ergh

Compliments of Ann Althouse, I've been reading the snippets on the Mier's nomination (If only I was half as intelligent....Althouse not Miers) and it really sounds like she is completely unqualified for this nomination. Which makes me really wonder if there is croneyism (sp?) within the White House that is pushing this through and what the hell was Bush thinking when he nominated her. She'll probably be eviscerated in confirmation. She already got her questionaire sent back to her for goodness sakes!

Although I shudder to think what the alternative would be.

Today, I embark for Londontown and Edinburgh and am surprising calm about it all. It's been a big buildup (and been annoying the shit out of Courtney, but she's a trooper for listening to it) but now it's like, yeah it's here so what am I going to do? Try to take things easy, it is after all a vacation. However, i'm going to miss TWO badger games....it was absolute mess in Germany not being able to watch Badgers basketball but football????!?!?!?!! misery.

Hope you all have fun, I'll try to write on here while in London. Depends on the periods of time I get that are free...hopefully few and far in between.

So you live in Spanish Harlem!

2005-10-14T15:31:00.000-05:00

It's amazing you haven't been robbed,raped,beaten,shot,stabbed,hung,electrocuted,stung with HIV needles,run over by drive by shooters.

That pretty much sums up the expression of a lawyer when she asked me where I live.

HEY GUYS ITS SPANISH HARLEM IT ISN'T FUCKING BEIRUT!!

Speaking of...did a little of that last night with the Rath kids, this morning was a little slow.

Where the hell is my umbrella?

what I do with the last moments

2005-10-12T22:48:00.000-05:00

So I've just been in a lull. I haven't written anything because I really haven't had much to say. I've been sick lately so the majority of my time is spent ejecting the colors of the rainbow and trying to remember what it felt like when I was much better. I for some odd reason, can never remember THAT FAR BACK (please note sarcasm).

I've also decided to wear glasses for awhile. My eyes hurt with my contacts in and the eye doctor said it wasn't doing my eyes any favors for wearing them all the time. Since I didn't want to fork over 300 or so dollars for pairs of contacts that would "allow my eyes to breathe", I decided to fork over 200 for some Armani lenses.

Yes, now I am cool and will rule the countryside with an iron fist.

Tomorrow, Mikey and Lawrence are here for a week to do what they do best, which complete escapes me at the moment.

THEN LONDONTOWN!

and Scotland!

That is definitely what I'm saving my money, aspirations, and excitement for. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the Rath kids are coming and we're gonna have some good times. but don't think for a second i don't have my eyes on the prize.

Dogville, horribly cruel...watch if you can.

Anyone have any comments on the new Supreme Court nominee? I'm still on the fence with this one as well. I was waiting for someone to really piss off a side, seems to just be pissing off everyone.

Back to sleep, tomorrow it all begins.

Nothing particularly clever.

2005-09-29T12:57:00.000-05:00

I've gotten a good habit of a day.

Come in, and punch up my Outlook to check what the lawyers want (usually something banal in nature but what the hell, I'm no rocket scientist).

Read the nytimes online. Although TimesSelect has really screwed the pooch on my quality time with that website.

Check Craigslist because they have everything and it's always worth a look.

Read the sports news.

Read the Journal Sentinel Online. Don't even bother reading the opinions on THAT one.

Sit.

So I read a lot...during lunch I like to read the Financial Times in the library because I feel that it gives me a worldly perspective when in fact it's probably because of the kitsch of the pink paper it is printed on.

In a recap

Roberts gets confirmed, that wasn't shocking at all and I'm pretty sure he'll do fine despite the ho hum. What do you think?

So it's on to the next candidate and it's looking like a list of 10 candidates. I'll put money that it is both a minority AND a woman. Try and see Democrats stopping her confirmation.

DeLay is getting prosecuted and I'm glad. He represents just about everything I hate within the party, and I hope that they throw him and his cronies in the slammer. They won't...but I can dream.

Wisconsin beat Michigan...probably mentioned that somewhere, I still watch the ESPN highlights to see if I'm dreaming...I'm not.

Former FEMA director Brown loves finger-pointing. Apparently he can't point one at himself and is probably one of the worst excuses for a human being I've seen in awhile. Then again, he's gonna be pulling in 150K somewhere doing some bullshit job. I'm making just above the poverty line....

The Fix Is IN

2005-09-21T13:11:00.000-05:00

and by "fix" I mean my application...and by "IN" I mean the University of London. I faxed my application there last week and they were happy to tell me that they received it. Can you believe that I opened my Gmail and got an e-mail from them with the subject line "we're happy to inform you" and then....now that my heart is ripping through my chest I open it...the rest is

"that we received your application"

)(#*$)*@)(#OIFUEOU@(#@)@@!!!!!!

Oh well, at least I know it's not on the floor of some pub or being used as some staff's desperate toilet paper. Now, I just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope that I am graduate school material. In the word's of Nick Marx "I'm sounding like a pretentious asshole, which is good"...I'm probably paraphrasing but whatever.

Michalski comes into the NYC today, I'm sure that is going to be great and it'll be good to see the friend again.

I've officially drank too much coffee because my hands are shaking...that would bring the total cups of coffee I've had to.....1.

Yeah, not a coffee drinker.

Life has been good otherwise, I've been watching movies lately and I have two more recommendations

Naked Lunch
Strange Brew

Rent Strange Brew and then Naked Lunch......you'll wonder why you did.

Lots of stuff to do with Wisconsin.

2005-09-06T14:18:00.000-05:00

Good to see the Badgers were able to pull off the win with Bowling Green (I will find each and everyone of you who picked that game to be the upset special, hate). Although our seconday looks like a pile, Calhoun tied the school record with five touchdowns. Anything is better than Colorado.

Rehnquist died, but you knew. I'm sad to say I don't know much about him nor the decisions that he wrote, but this opens up an opportunity for the Republicans like nothing else. Expect something to materialize about the next candidate. There is no way that he or she can be as much a question mark as Roberts. I'm still seriously wondering whether or not he is actually the best candidate....although I know for a fact that he isn't the worst I've seen (Clarence Thomas I'm pointing towards your riding the coattails of Scalia direction). Definitely going to be spending more time reading about the possible nominees. So far, they look like huge Bush backers....which will bring the wolf hunt from the left.

Feingold!!!! You know, I've been a fan of this man for a long time (Anyone else remember the map of Wisconsin on his hand, and the fact that his commericals looked like they were of public access production value?) He is in Yahoo! news, it involves his possibly running for President.

I really wouldn't mind voting for him, hopefully we'll see how that goes.

Good weekend, interesting news to say the least. Also two reports from Congress and Bush about the efforts in New Orleans....I wonder how non-accusatory of the fed they're going to be.

Mad Cow, Brown Cow

2005-09-02T12:45:00.000-05:00

Oh this explains everything:

http://news.scotsman.com/health.cfm?id=1878122005

A Katrina Post (of course it is!)

2005-09-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

Everyone has talked about it, rightly so. It's only fair that one of the single worst disasters in American history gets some time. Also, if you can only make fun of G.W. because he said almost that exact same line stating the obvious, go away. He was just stating a fact, if you want to make fun of him or anyone else you should start somewhere more productive like why are there still thousands upon thousands of people still stranded, starving, and dying.

But, you should give...something...anything. I did, and still I want to volunteer my time. Seriously people, there are millions displaced and something needs to be done.

On a brighter note, my weekend is going to take a turn for the better within the next 2 hours.

Technically Ten Days

2005-08-28T12:48:00.000-05:00

But who is counting?
So, I've come on here...didn't play on coming on this site, to complain to my generation.

Yes, all of you lazy lazy people...our generation really sucks.

I could start into the fact that our music today is about as culturally aware and prevalent as a roll of toilet tissue and that your attention spans are so small that for us there is no such thing as complete news coverage. That is, unless our idea of complete is 15 second soundbytes on a multi graphical CNN.
We get most of the breaks that our parents do not get. We have the opportunity to go to a college for next to nothing (U rah rah Wisconsin) and the possibility that we will not have to toil in some hellhole factory for the rest of our lives to scrape a living for our families (for this father, I thank thee). On top of all this, we are given some of the most innovative and vital communicaition technologies in the world....our lovely Internet. A network that we are well in control of able to transmit thoughts and ideas across borders with as little as the click of the publish button. There does not have to be a thing such as misinformation as long as you have 100 people reporting on it. These things, are great...we should be thankful.
We do not however, take advantage of the opportunities given to us and that drives me up the wall. For the most part, we try to make no such difference in our lives or in society for that matter. We're more content than most to just sit our fat asses on the couches and watch some random show about absolutely nothing. Toiling on the Internet for hours on end, we usually are surfing Craigslist or some other stupid site, rather than using the Internet for all its importance. I'm part of this problem as well, but not as much as some of you trust fund taking, daddy expense account living on the upper west side grocery delivering shits. You people single handedly bring the national IQ down a few points. It is a shame tha tyou had to have smart father's and mother's who obviously couldn't shoot out an equal, but rather took all the byproducts of their intelligence, and gave it two legs.

I suppose what started this rant, and this is most definitely a rant, was the checking of my mail today. My roommate got something from the ACLU, which in my opinion is an extremely valuable association devoted to keeping the freedoms no matter how unpopular they might be. He got a packet for petitions to sign and to send back....

WAIT..WHAT?!?!?!

THEY SENT HIM THE PETITIONS....He made no conscious decision to go out and campaign for these things, and the ACLU just picks what they think he would like to protest against, and sent them to him for his own convenience.

Protesting is NOT about convenience, it is about bringing about change through non-violent uncomfortable means. You are changing something that is a part of society, and it will not be easy but if you're devoted enough to the cause that shouldn't bother you. Ask the people protesting for civil rights just how comfortable they were throughout the process. The only thing that made them comfortable was knowing they were doing right. I'm sure the police dogs and the firehoses and beatings weren't merely staged, so hats of to them and a big fuck you to the packet protesters!

If I was a hippie in the sixties...I'd be pissed.

Sad day people. Just another reason why I hate my generatoin

so this weekend

2005-07-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

this weekend brought about me thinking more than anyone on the planet THAT I can guarantee. This weekend brought about me working on a film with my friend Dave, and wishing that I had the jobs that they had, because they're obviously having more fun than me. This weekend brought about me thinking I should start writing again, but wishing that everything didn't feel so disjointed when I put it to paper. This weekend brought about me eating the first quarter pounder I've had in almost a year. It was delicious.
This weekend and the days before brought me sadness, reflection, acceptance, and more sadness. I'm not sure what happened is for the best, I can't see another way right now. I also found out that I like whiskey probably more than the average anyone. For the time being, also don't see Dark Water.

In the words of Adam Michalski, good day.

Pt. 2.

2005-07-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

So I had to think awhile about it..

okay to be frank, I simply forgot.

we went down to the west village, to this bar called kettle of fish. Kettle of Fish is a bar down in Greenwich that is very Wisco friendly. In fact, the owner is from Waukesha and the place is decorated in wood and Packer/Badger stuff. Naturally, I had to take the fellas out there to get a piece of it. After a great dinner at this place around the area followed by the worst bar experience I've had at a bar since I've been here (the name escapes me) we went to the Kettle. They serve Jaeger in tumblers by the way.............so put that in mind.

We started playing darts, i was very happy to see TC in New York and I couldn't find Marx or Swags...so me and TC started doing shots of Jaeger in tumblers...his friends Garrett and some unknown fellow whose name escapes me at this moment started buying shots of whiskey and soco with lime.

Few hours elapse.

I have no fucking clue what happened at the end of the night...but from fragment recovery and from what others have told me this is what happened.

We drank so much and so quickly that we were the most troublesome in the whole bar

The bartender threatened to kick us out several times.

We stayed until bartime

Dave Little made friends with some homosexual from bolivia...gave him his phone number...I remember telling the fellow to go home after awhile,, he was creeping people out.

All of us........very drunk ,decided to walk around hammered into Times Square seeing all the lights, Sawicki said he didn't ever want to go back because he wanted that moment to be his Times Square moment...I agree.

TC, Courtney, and myself got McDonalds for breakfast inthe morning. I decided to steal the tray tht they gave us the food on, and it is still sitting in my kitchen as I write this.

The next day.

we were all hammered.
we slept on the central park lawn
sunday..........hmmmmmm..........shit wha tthe hell did we do that night...OH YEAH..we went to the Yankees game. Yankees Mets game to be exact, compliments of TC. We saw the game...Yankees won off of fucking Giambi (I fucking hate that mook) and dit was off back to home. We drank a slight and then went to sleep.

Monday, our last day all together, we decided to hit the Mingus Big Band at Iridium..........I feel like I'm missing something here...yeah that was Tuesday..

Monday, oh yeah...we went to Madlib and the concert sucked, it was good to be friends though, so I didn't care. But...I GOT TO SHAKE MELVIN VAN PEEBLES' hand... If yo udon't know who this is....Sweet Sweetbacks Badaaaasssss Song....rent it, thats him. It was damn sweet.
We drank a littl ebit at this bar called the Cellar.
Then Marx left, we will miss that kid...despite how much of a hippie he looks like now.

Tuesday. we went to Mingus big bang, drank lots of hard liquor, drank lots of jaeger, and I woke up drunk.

American trash will do that to you, as well as seeing friends you're not going to see for awhile.

So fellas, great to have you.....best time I've had in New York yet......I doubt it'll get better.

phew.......hands are tired.
will write more later.

The Killers is quiet in the background

2005-07-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

But seriously...Campos...good call on the album, I really like it actually. I seem to like the majority of the music that my friends do, there are of course exceptions.
Anyways, so TC, Sawicki, and Marx came and visited Little and I last week, I haven't updated since then because A) They didn't all leave till last Wednesday and B)I've been recovering and having some small sleeping spells here and there because I just haven't had a decent night's sleep in about 2 weeks but needless to say.

I had a fucking ball with them (but I would have liked more people here...ahem Hoppert, Michalski, Chucko, Dan-o I'm looking at you!) we went about the town. Ate expensive dinners at some of the greatest restaurants I think I can handle (one of which, Creole, is two or three doors down from my humble abode), saw some of the coolest bands (Mingus big band) some of the worst (Madlib, you fucking stoner, stay in the studio and don't waste my fucking money) and dropped copious amounts of cash in the bars (I won't even discuss how much I know I spent...but needless to say, its a new high for me).

It was established.

Those kids might drive me fucking nuts, but those are some of the best people and some of the best friends I am ever going to have. I'll definitely keep my ass on making sure I keep in contact with those kids. Won't be so hard with Sawicki because I'm going back to WI in August and TC because I'm going back to London in October....but Marx....well...he's Marx, you gotta keep knowing that kid after you meet him, no matter how infuriating he may be (but I believe that is a prerequisite for being friends).

So....Wednesday...TC and Sawicki get into town and we drink an ENTIRE FUCKING BOTTLE OF JAGER. Drank beers, and JAGER...an ENTIRE BOTTLE.....found out an interesting little story about me in London...something you'll ahve to ask me about personally in order for me to say, no fucking way i'm posting that on here

*takes sip of beam and coke*

Did I forget to mention that I worked the next day?? Woke up on the couch at quarter to eight...still fucking plastered and ate the breakfast sandwich in the sloppiest of manners... I swear I must've smelled like the fucking Barvarian mountains of Germany...if they were covered in Jager, when I arrived to work. I was definitely drunk for the first two hours of the job. Literally slurring on the phone when answering it, I figured that it just wasn't worht it and I stopped doing so after awhile. That was definitely a time and a half. I got called into the office later during the day, i was freaking nervous that it was going to be me geting chewed out for being a big drunkey and how they were going to send me out the door (I probably would have just taken my money and ran)....instead..they said how I was doing a fantastic job and how they were permanently placing me....well..HAHAHA..for however long that will be (I'm saying maybe next summer or next christmas...after that I'm not banking heavily...I miss trees in WI). So yeah, instead of being scolded for my blantant disregard for my workplace and keeping a professional appearance (did I mention I was wearing a white dress shirt with black smudges...that I then tried to remove using wite-out? didn't work), I was instead commended and told all the good things that will happen.

Figure that shit.

Thursday Marx came in and we were rather lazy actually...The night before beat the shit out of us, and actually when we got off of work TC and I and Sawicki went to Heidelberg...greatest beer haus out here for some fine German beer...and not JAGER....that was Friday.

Friday........work, was a little easier....after work...headed back home....now I'm trying to remember it....oh yeah.

We went to a Mexican restaurant in Chinatown...fantastic food...great prices...and 4 shots of Tequila...oh nelly. Started into that...then headed to some bars in the East Village....went into one called Bull McCabes.....$2 shots of JAGER.....I capitalize it becaus ewe drank so much of it that I think it deserves some recognition...it was over after that...We all had lots of money, and were more than wiling to throw down on that stuff....I don't even remember the next bar we went to. Or the cab ride home...but we fit 5 people in a cab and marx and i had our heads out the window like fucking dogs...

Saturday..woke up late, went to Coney and watched the Mermaid parade. Crowded as shit, heard Tyler was coming up HURRAH.. and then we went back home for a small siesta and a rest for what was arguably the drunkest I have been in...since I was in London.

To Be Continued...

2005-06-17T20:56:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah schools

1. London Metropolitan University
2. Goldsmith's College
3. London School of Economics and Social Science
4. USC
5. UC - Irvine

Good Day.

Cars, Subways, Fat Broads, Hot Broad, Chickens, Tunafish, and Clowns.....don't forget the clowns.

2005-06-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

You ever actually sit and watch television on a Friday night? I remember doing this back when I had absolutely no social life, which is really hard to accomplish considering all you need is either a taco and/or bottle of whiskey and you can have a party. I'm serious.....but you need more than one taco, otherwise the party sucks and you leave everyone else hungry....You try telling them you don't have anymore tacos.

So at work, nursing a wicked fucking hangover, I did again....absolutely nothing. This was a whole new level of nothing though that was achieved. You see, the lawyers who I was supposed to be assisting....were out on vacation. So that meant that on top of the usual NOTHING to do, I literally had NOTHING TO DO. Now, I'm a advocate of doing nothing at work...you could even say with some of the hijinks I have pulled at my other jobs, that I could be considered a sort of innovator at a few techniques. However, I figured once I graduated from college and decided to enter this "real" world that they talk about that I would be doing something ofmore substance. Instead, I'm living a life of complete non-gratification. So, I'm trying to figure out other shit to do.

First thing, after Ifigured out what schools I was finally applying to for grad school....then getting the hospital shit of the way....I'm now figuring out ways and resources to put together a documentary on health care....If anything just some interviews with a few people who are/were in similar situations such as myself. I really am not sure if this will work out but who knows.

Its something to do, and it helps retain sanity.

So my friends are coming next week. i'm fairly excited about that, they can see my new home and you know....do that touristy stuff that everyone does when they visit New York. It'll be good to see some familiar faces.

Whiskey...hmmm where did you go?

My new laptop is dragging ass on its shipment. I don't mind that I spent over 700 on a nice good laptop but I would also like to see the fruit of my labors sitting comfortably in my lap providing me with hours of education funporno. I'm thinking about getting software for it that will make it a nice little editing suite. Who fucking knows....It doesn't have to cost a lot of money, who knows.

Ergh.

Where is a countryside hoedown when you want one?

radiohead

2005-06-11T21:10:00.000-05:00

i miss my mp3 player, and now my laptop has joined the electronic junkyard. So cheers to both of you...may i see you on the other side giving others the enjoyment you have provided to me. so i'm regulated to using dave little's laptop. listening to his radiohead tracks and my white stripes tracks (by the by, pick up their new CD....right fucking now).
Today was the 116th st festival in harlem. Think of about 10 blocks shut completely off to make way for huge food tents and music and free stuff. I got a fucking wicked ass sunburn on the back of my neck from the whole ordeal.
Things have been developing away from my goal of stasis since we last talked. I just want some normalcy and I'm not getting it right now

I wonder how nicole is doing in alaska.

summer in the city.

will talk more later

So you want to be an Associate Director?

2005-06-04T08:12:00.000-05:00

I suppose I should change the title of my blog. Considering I'm not doing a trip anymore...unless you consider New York one very long stopover. Anyways, so I'm at a workplace right now. I'm working on a production for some shorts that will air on the Internet. Lydia Show they call it. I'm an associate director and let me tell you what that all entails.

You get up at 4:30 in the morning so you can shower and look composed (or be an idiot like me and forget your alarm was set for monday through friday and wake up when the line producer calls and says he'll be over in five minutes).

So I get picked up in the dead of night in NYC, various drunk kids still stumbling home from their nights of fun and the whatnot. We ended up getting to the location for shooting at about 6AM and helped set stuff up. Essentially I'm the meeter and greeter of allt he cast and crew as they arrive and I make sure that they don't burn the place down. The actors for the most part are nice and courteous despite the stigma (and I'm assuming rightly so) attached to them.

For the first two hours I was essentially in a daze, having meetings with the directors over what shots were going to take place that day along with trying to wrangle all the talent into hair and makeup and memorizing everyone's names and answering a million and one small questions (do we have toothpaste to shine diamonds) etc. etc. etc. Craft services....food showed up at about 7 AM and started to set up. Iw anted to make sure he had some time to set this stuff up before all the ravenous sorts started descending upon this poor man and ransack everything he had.

The sound guy wanted coffee, and how. I suppose I'm glad that I'm not one of those that absolutely need caffeine above all and cannot except when I cannot get that coffee instantly in the morning. Some mornings a cup of coffee for a pick me up is good (today) and other days I'd prefer some milk or water. Liquid I think however, is essential to any breakfast.

So now, my responsibility because we are in a heavily security abled building...is to watch the front door. If anyone needs to come in, hey I beep them and get their names and notify someone upstairs about their arrival. They go upstairs, and I go back to reading the jsonline. Speaking of which...anyone see those Marquette names??? phew boy......

My advice, Marquette people...is to stick to Golden Eagles.....might as well....you're not going to be the Warriors (the only name that would make me a fan again) and anything else is going to suck...I kinda like the Jumpin' Jesuits too.

So Internet...and waiting...and sitting....not a horrible way to get associate director credit, you just have to work 26 hours during your weekend to do it and not get paid.

Such is life.

New York, eat my brown rice fist!

2005-06-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

So work....work gets you orniery. All you want to do is get to work, and get the fuck home. The workplace is an interlude from what you really enjoy. Like myself, I enjoy to go running and eating and watching Law & Order. See in New York, basic television includes TNT....I think its because they have 11 thousand L&O episodes on during the day and since it all takes place in NYC, might as well have it on...its for the tourists or for the people who live here who can point out places that are familiar (yes I have done it already).
Oh...Pica (or Pico) de Gallo

a great mixture of tomatoes and onions...and other stuffs. Here is a recipe.

3 tomatoes
half or more or a white onion
fresh cilantro..(not too much)
salt (pinch)
pepper (pinch)
ground cumin (pinch)
2 cloves garlic diced
fresh lime juice (2 limes)

Mix all together put the lime juice on top and mix with your hands, let it sit in the refrig for a hour....make to taste in proportion with tomatoes and onions and BAM..its good.

So anyways, work...today I studies for the GRE and GMAT again did nothing, answered some phones, walked around and talked to Mom. See me and my Mom both have wonder histories with the hospitals and their billing systems.....here are a few things you'll need to know if you are uninsured and have to pay a bill.
1. Never pay the amount they originally charge.
2. Always accuse them of overbilling.
3. Find their patient representative and talk to them.
4. Find out what CHARITY CARE means in their hospital and go for it.
5. Tell ambulance companies to fuck off (this is most important)

I'm in a rambling mood if you didn't notice.

I got a gig doing production work this weekend for some shorts making their time on the Internet. The guy says that they might be able to sell them eventually (yeah right), but hey its work and its not the office. I said yes and the guy I met to talk to about it was pretty fucking cool. Hopefully the director isn't a fucking toolbox.

Now I sit here listening to Lewis Black...he's almost as funny on radio or sound as he is in video. Probably because I can actually picture the foaming of the mouth. About to hit up some more GRE vocab because I'm gonna need some kickass scores if I'm going to get into any of these five. Until then, let boredom ring and i'll speak to you later.

Eh....I don't update.

2005-05-29T23:56:00.000-05:00

So I don't update.

I've always had a real problem with the whole follow through. All my friends are probably well aware of this aspect to my personality. Well, you should expect this...a blank for a few months and then boom I get the sudden urge to write again.

I should probably give the quite update from the rest of Europe.

House of 100 bocadillas...bocadilla = sandwich. This place gives you a long list of what kinds of sandwiches you want from hot and spicy chorizo (I recommend) to a hash brown egg sandwich (only if you hate yourself).

The chicken and cider house is just what I said...its a restaurant that does nothing but serve roasted chicken and cider...alcoholic cider. You go there, you sit, and then they bring a menu...which is completely fucking moot if you ask me because all you want is chicken (1 or 2) and cider (1 or 7). Courtney and I sit down and start to drink the cider out of the bottles, and it was delicious and plentiful and rather cheap. Spain is the cheapest of all the European nations I've been in, and was probably the 2nd most enjoyable in the EU (I don't count UK and Germany is number 1).
Madrid was beautiful, we spent a great deal of time walking around which was the theme of the entire trip. I like walking around aimlessly...even though I've been without a MP3 player which has been a sonofabitch. You realize how spoiled you are when you have a MP3 player for th elongest time and use it to workout and go to class and to work at the shit jobs you don't want to do and then all of a sudden boom. it breaks on you, or the batteries are for shit and you realize that its the weight of a small felony.
So....for anyone who might ever read this....I'm looking for a new MP3 player, get me one please...and I'll make all the tacos in the free world for you.

My plane flight back was a little sad, I missed having Courtney along with me on the trip and despite all the horrible horrible things that could have happened along the trip. Nothing really did, I was surprised and happy and would do it again in a heartbeat (that comes later).

I moved....to New York City, you were aware I think. I moved here because my good friend Dave lives here, and it was nice to start somewhere new. I couldn't sit in Wisconsin anymore pretending that I was going to get a shot at doing anything remotely like I wanted to do there. So much to my sadness of leaving great friends, family, and Wisconsin behind, I sucked it up and boarded a train to move my ass to NYC.

Here I am! Got off the train and moved into my first apt in East Harlem. It was a good time, barring a horrible horrible mess with a kidney stone and self-doubts. I got a job working at a law firm downtown. If you've seen The Office and the ridiculousness of the entire office environment and how 90 percent of the people who are working in an office rarely ever do a goddamn thing.......its exactly that.

I'm a floating secretary....I got this job because I was faster than typing than anyone I've ever known and that finally translated to getting a job that pays a bunch and asks for little in return. I work with good people, I've rarely had a confrontation with anyone at work and never had the urge to drop an anvil on the heads of any of my superiors. Of course I stick to the rules of a workplace.

1. Be nice to the people who have power of you. They can hire, they can fire, but they're also human. Remember that.
2. Never make huge waves ....you're not in a life changing career, (unless you are, then disregard this). Huge waves gets you fired...play it safe here, you're getting paid well...unless you like Starbucks.
3. Now that you have access to tons and tons of spare time (where they pay) use that to your advantage. Read, study up, FIGURE A WAY OUT. That way.....you can spend your time out of work doing what you want and spending their time figuring out what you want to do.

But, its a nice job...and I don't mind doing it. Better than scraping Brat Stand down (in some ways).

I've been taking a more proactive approach to my time here in New York. Essentially, I used this initial experience to figure out whether or not I would be able to taken the time to move away from everything I've ever known...so that I was able to figure out the type of person I wanted to become. Ego...and ...all.

So yes, the answer is yes. I can do it. Its harder than hell and hence, you should always at least respect when people move away from home. It was all they have ever known. They spent their high school years traveling down highway 100 or 12th and Walnut. They remember the days of St Francis and no matter how much of a toilet it has become, they still have love for it. Days of grilling outside of 535 W Washington Ave and drnking high life and playing badmitton.
so hats off.

so its Memorial Day, I dream of the days when I was able to grill....but I'm loving the New York weather.

Oh...I'm planning on Graduate School....it'll be a nice one, and hopefully abroad (get those pints ready) so I'll update more.

Now, I'm gonna head off to bed..but I promise to update more on this website, for those who read. I just wanted to write a little bit and let everyone know.

I like New York, the many grocery stores, the sidewalk hilal carts of cheap food, the neons lights and the many countless pints on guinness that i've consumed since I've been here.

But I think I desire more, and I'm still looking for things in life. So isn't that good? oh

Michalski....London..do it.

On that note, goodnight....stay classy

Madrid, Spain

2005-02-13T10:10:00.000-06:00

Although not as nice as its counterpart to the North...Madrid itself is still a slice of pie that is well worth looking at.
We took a 7 hour bus ride from Barcelona into Madrid....we were usually blessed with taking buses that would run through the night...that way we would get housing as well as a trip under the same umbrella. However, this wasn't the case..we took a noon bus out of Barcelona and all the fucking fun that goes with it.
There was some girls in the back snapping gum or water bottles or whatever, but this lasted the entire trip. Also, the Spanish are lazy....and I mean really lazy..by law the bus driver has to make a stop ever 2-3 hours for at least 20 minutes. By the time all is said and done, you're looking at an additional hour of delays...all to end up in some podunk ass towns eating horrible boccadillas. damn boccadillas....where is my hamburger?
the nice thing about madrid is that Courtney lives here, so we got ourselves some free rooming in a super nice house in the middle of the city. Less that a two block walk to the largest bullring that I have ever seen (not that I have seen that many bullrings). We got off and met the owner of the house Elaine...really nice woman by the by, at the park...where supposedly they have a dog meeting or a place where they all play at abonut 8 at night. Didn't do much that night except relax.
Yesterday I walked around Madrid a lot and we went to see the Aviator...I've been missing the English language, even though I haven't really been away from it for that long. Great movie I might add.

I suddenly lost all the urge to write...but my next entry will deal with Spanish college parties, chicken and cider houses...and the house of the 100 boccadillas...stay tuned.

Barcelona, Spain

2005-02-09T09:26:00.000-06:00

Although i have spent the majority of my time here in spain, i have to say that once you start traveling around this country...it seems like every little part is different (except of course, in dealing with the menu del dia).

After leaving Granada and the friends of the Oasis hostel behind, we found ourselves on the midnight train to Barcelona...I tried to sleep alot because I suddenly became very sick on the day of the Super Bowl (maybe it was premonition that New England was going to win...fuckers) and so I didn´t want to be sick when i got here, because i have heard nothing but good things about Barcelona.

Boy, were they right.

You get off in this city, and first of all the place is fucking huge...I mean this city seems to just go on forever..but it also in a way has the intimacy of a smaller city...there are areas of concentration with cathedrals and different monuments that can keep you occupied for hours. it really is a wonderful place.

The first day we got here, we just found a hostel to stay at...after saying our goodbyes with our new found friend derek from San Diego/New York.
The place is nice...if a little small and everytime someone takes a shower the whole bathroom feels like a flooded basement..but that is okay, it is rather cheap and it has a TV...but that doésn´t matter much in spain becuase you only get 4 channels (cartoons and soccer mostly, unless you count the psychic hotlines) but they all suck.

So we took a walk down the main stretch of road here in Barcelona...called ´La Rambla´...appropriately enough because we just kinda walked up and down this street for the duration of the day...found a side fruit-meat-fish-everything market and walked through that, with more fruit and fish items that i´ve ever seen (including some things that i have never seen....and was slightly timid on eating, i should get a picture of those).

Went to an indonesian restaurant yesterday, which was quite good...but a note of caution to future american travelers that will be reading this.

Spanish portions.....they´re about half of what we eat in the states...you´ll spend as much (and in some cases more) and you´ll get a small amount of food...if you´re a big eater...plan on eating at a lot of chain places.

And then sleep.

today, i felt much better and we took a walk to the Picasso museum (a lot of freaking PICASSOS). The place was really nice...OH another note to future travelers....keep your old student ID´s because a lot of places will offer discounts...and they don´t look at expiration dates...if in fact your ID does have one.

So after that we took a look at the cathedral de barcelona...which is really pretty..but is under some heavy ass construction so the entire outside is pretty much covered in scaffolding. not too intriguing.

then the menu del dia at this buffet place called Fresco...something along those lines... it was 7.40 euro...which is pretty fucking cheap bceause here, lunch is our dinner in the states. and then went to the internet cafe...nothing overly exciting...tonight, who knows.

Weather is supposed to be really nice here for the duration...which I´m glad about, but then again its going to piss me off something awful when i get back home to the states and i´m REALLY going to be using my columbia jacket, instead of just having it on for shites and giggles. ah states...gotta let you down.

Granada, Spain

2005-02-05T03:28:00.000-06:00

After spending the night in one of the seediest hostels i have ever had the displeasure of staying in (hostel gomez for those keeping score, so that makes gomez and the pension cordoba), we arrived at a hostel after much searching with our new friend who i believe has now departed...his name was kritien...christien....and he was from denmark, i believe he went to barcelona today.. anyways we came to this place called the oasis hostel in granada spain.
This place is about as close to a backpacker hostel as you´re going to get as it seems that every single person is all abuot the backpacking and the complete random art of traveling wherever. However, I have to say its been a lot of fun.
Courtney and I made friends with a fellow from southhampton by the name of Steve. He has been traveling around the world now for quite awhile and it turns out he receives a trust from his father of 2,000 pounds a month so 4,000 for us here... not too shabby. Then i made friends with a canadien film student mike. then some boston girl names kat, so now i know where the super bowl will be playing in granada (although if you´re reading dad, i´´d still like you to tape it if possible)
Then night ended with me getting drunk with the australians and the finnish girl that we can´t pronounce her name. the beds are way more confortable here, and the people here are really friendly.
today we´re going to the alhambra and pleasantlife region of granada after 2 (that is when the ticket actually starts to take effect, otherwise its before 2). and then who knows..i.ts a lot nicer being able to just relax at a place and not have to constnatly worry about what the hell is happening and where we have to travel next. its kinda weird hitting the last leg of my trip, it seems that it wasn´t that long ago that i was in london and now i´m in spain...its been a weird ass trip, but i do recommend anynoe to do this at least once.

Morocco in a quick breeze.

2005-02-02T08:44:00.000-06:00

firstly, don't fucking ever go to Tangier, it sucks...the place is a shithole...and there are fucking schemers all around you that fly over you like a fucking vulture...i got one of them...i will explain when i'm home.

after the shithole that was tangier we took a midnight train to marrakesh which was rather calm, because me and courtney got a couchette....now in the african (i have just been corrected by courtney that it is french...but fuck her) world, that means four mats in a little ass room...which means you could sleep next to some unsavory folk who would probably talk their fucking asses off, because that is what they do here in morocco. but since we're westerners (at least I believe this is why)..no one came into our room.

skip 9 hours later of some broken sleep and we end up in marrakesh..the cabs are there right outside the train station where you are instantly bargaining with people trying to get you either to the ville nouvele or the medina (main area, which is where me and courtney were headed). SHUT UP COURTNEY!...man...anyways, so after bargaining with the cabbie we got into the medina and stayed at the hotel ali..which is actually a really nice place and only cost us about 15 dollars a night...a person..which is more than welcome considering in europe its at least AT LEAST..25 dollars a night. SHUT UP COURTNEY!.....she's a talker...you know Todd....
ANYWAYS!!! (she is right next to me asking about who todd is....c'mon people we all know the quote..sorry you're not 'digging it' Courtney) Zoolander...its zoolander courtney...
so its a nice place...we got a large room with a bathroom (which so far hasn't seemed so rare as they ahve appeared to be everywhere.) this bathroom also had a hot shower which is also key... and then we decided to make it to the souq and the main square which is just outside our place...and this place is huge..i mean think of state street onhalloween or state fair during thesummer..times it by 3 and have it everyday and you have yourself what i was witness to for the two days that i was staying in marrakesh.
we had some good food..at this little market that they have scattered all around marrakesh right in this small area..and the food is really good, but you do have to be kinda careful and make sure you can arrange the prices beforehand...because here, they're always trying to rip you off...even though 'ripping you off' means jilting you out of like...2 bucks.
so we hopped a train out of there to rabat, where we are currently staying...the city here ismuch more nice and cosmo...and its not a shithole like tangier or a swindle like marrakesh (but in marrakesh's credit, it was very admiring and beautiful to visit). the places around here are much more city like...and everything doesn't seem like it's going to fall apart at the seams. which is also nice. so now i'm in al ittle internet cafe...they don' have as many here as they have all over europe..but this place is where the king lives..and the economy is much better...so everyone or a lot i'm guessing have a lot of money and hence can get the internet..
i'm gonna miss the superbowl..damn
anyways, what i'm getting at is that there is this little boy next to me who is looking up porn...the grow up so fast.

tomorrow i believe we're heading back into spain where it will be docking into algeciras for maybe the night (hopefully not) and then granada, and then barcelona..and the final trek back into madrid where i will end.

wow....what a trip its been, i have a few stories...lots of wandering...and tons of weird shit that i ate and saw...i'll see you guys soon.

malaga spain

2005-01-29T04:05:00.001-06:00

its about eleven in the morning...and i´m waiting in a bus terminal in malaga spain...its in the southeast region of spain...to head directly south..then i´m heading to morrcco...i´m a little nervous about it all..but i´m sure things will work out well.

i just wanted to give a quick update..and i´m doing fine and courtney is doing fine...and i´ve decided i really like burger king because that is about 90 percent of what i eat here.

oh and kerbel sucks.

see you in morocco!

malaga spain

2005-01-29T04:05:00.000-06:00

Munich

2005-01-25T03:34:00.000-06:00

Munich is fast becoming one of my favorite places so far in traveling. Although on the keyboard the y and the z are switched, things are still going smoothlz...y.

so that was a dumb joke.

My 16 hour bus ride wasn't sixteen hours....nope....it was twenty hours!....we ran into some heavy ass traffic about 275 km outside of Munich and were essentially in a standstill for the last few hours. I slept enough on the bus to make sure i didn't have to endure the brunt of the waiting...which was good for me then. I also was reading this book that I've started on the long trip...called 'vietnam a necessary war'...not sure if it is written by a conservative or not.. However there is definitely some interesting points in the book.. I imagine you might want to read it if you have nothing to do and like historical events taken in a different light.

But you don't probably want to read about that too much...

So we got into Munich at around 1:30 and were left at a bus station with NO idea how the hell to get to the hostel. We eventually figured out the way to at least get towards the central station with this messed up ass underground map that was posted everywhere.

side note....Munich has the most difficult looking transportation map...ever.

finally got to the hostel...we got a three bed room so we were sure that we were going to get a third roommate...and we did..her name is..mariana from Chile..she is just traveling around because this is their summer in Chile right now, must be pretty sweet.

We hit the main shopping center for Munich (markenplatz i believe is the name...or frankinplatz...either one with a platz there are enough platz to go around). The shopping area is dotted with all these enormous and i mean enormous churches that were built in the 1500's and are absolutely phenomenal. Anyways, we went to a few of those..and lit a candle, and i got some pictures of the places...but then it was bier time.

We went to a place called the augustiner beerhalle. which is a hall with picnic tables roughly and more pretzels and beer for you to shake a stick at. I ordered a 1 L. beer...they don't know how to pour here but I did get a liter of beer so i wasn't complaining...as well as my huge plate of sausage and potatoes. with sauerkraut.

I ATE SAUERKRAUT!

it was okay...that is all.

more drinking and a smoking of a cuban cigar and i was calming shifted into my bed, where i had a dream about killing chucky from child's play...go figure.

today we are going on a tour of third reich buildings around town. that will be very interesting i hope, and it was something that i had interest in for this trip. i'll update more on that later.

otherwise, everything is good...I miss football and midwestern accents...but I won't be home for a little while longer...so iäll just have to wait.

Amsterdam can only be summed up in one word:

2005-01-22T05:17:00.001-06:00

SEIZURE

Seriously...once we got off the tram into centraal station...there was nothing but lights, taxicabs, bikes, and pot....EVERYWHERE.
After what has been the worst landing so far (I almost tossed cookies and the english guy across from me laughed and talked about his sinus pains), we made it onto what can only be described as the world's most quiet and comfortable train into a city known for its vast excess.
Excess indeed.
Our hotel is very nice and quaint..there is only one shower, but we have our own sink which is pretty key considering i haven't been able to do any sock or underwear laundry since new york. but then again, we only have one full day in Amsterdam, so who has any time to do such a thing?
So we walk outside of our hotel which is located in Rembrandtsplein and is in the middle of a clubbing extravaganza. There were shops and cabarets and stripclubs all around us...along with about six dozen smoking shops....which we go to one called Sevilla....that was a big mistake.
Somehow, we were the only non-rastas in the entire joint...and boy did we feel it.. Picture this...a blonde haired blue eyed girl and a darker skinned bearded midwesterner sitting with a white widow joint (premade and mixed with tobacco) among people whose only english word is "dreadlock"....we smoked fast and left, which might have also been a mistake.
We were so overwhelmed by the simple lights and clubs and bars (this place had more in a four block radius that what seemed like all of Dublin) that we had to go back to the hotel and formulate a battle plan...I'm also sure the pot didn't help much either.
We made a conscious decision just to walk through the area and see what they had to offer.. I wasn't all for the bar scene because we drank enough in Dublin...because well Guinness is like water there.. and the club scene...well think about the europop band in Big Lebowski and you're about spot on for the club music and people here. We went to another coffeeshop and sat around for a big, then found a convenience store (not many surprisingly) and went back to the hotel to call it a day.
Next morning brought us an actually good breakfast... Instead of the bread and cereal of the first hostel...This place served juice, milk, cereal, breads, meats, and cheese. It was actually pretty filling and as of this time...I have no hunger pains whatsoever...wouldn't even know where to go if I did.
Walked to the Anne Frank Haus where we went on the tour, which i severely recommend to anyone..its very eerie walking into the same crawlspace where Anne Frank hid definitely worth the 7,50 euro. Then we went to the flower market and just checked out a few shops...now we're in a good ol' internet cafe getting bus information for our 16 hour trip to Munich..
What to do tonite? Van Gogh Museum...and then walking around again and snapping photos...
Hope you're all having fun where you are...I'll try to update more often..beause I can't stand not being able to watch american sports...but it was kickass to see Wisconsin beat Michigan State....GO BIG RED!
Take care.

cheers from Dublin!

2005-01-20T09:31:00.000-06:00

sorry for not being able to post for awhile now...things have been rather hectic...and well the beds in the hostel are way too comfortable..but I wish you all a happy day in Dublin, Ireland!

The last few days in London were great, I got to go to some great restaurants and travel along London with my good friend TC. Saw a lot of buildings that i'll never see again as well as take a obscene amount of pictures. didn't really get many souvenirs.....actually only got one. a deck of cards that i figured would be vital for the rest of our trip.

so i took a train out of london to the next airport to get me to dublin, london stansted....it took me about 45 minutes (of which I spent sleeping on the train) and finally got to stansted where I got some salt and vinegar crisps (yes tc, they were fucking good) and then it was off on the plane where again...i slept.

i arrived in dublin about 6 o'clock not knowing where i was or how to get to my hostel. I finally got around to finding the hostel after getting just mildly lost on the main street of dublin (O'Connell Rd for those keeping score) and checked in..the bed was nice, the keycard access was very nice..and it was right next to a pub....very very nice.

I walked down O'connell and decided to walk into a off the beaten path pub...ordered my first (of what has been MANY) pints of Guinness......
let me tell you......

It's better than water...it is the best thing I've ever had.....
EVER

What is better is when me and Courtney went on the brewery tour and ended up at the gravity bar...seven stories up from the Guinness brewery and had a pint..touted as the best pint on the planet.

Brother...(Dan)...they weren't kidding! It was absolutely fantastic!

The weather here unfortunately, has not been so cooperative...rather rainy and cold....no sun whatsoever...which is weird because i got the most sun in london (every day practically) ...also for those traveling to Ireland a reminder.

Only take a day in Dublin...its a factory town and not overly scenic...
drink guinness instead of water..I don't care if you didn't like it in the states..believe me it is not the same
make sure you lsiten to a irish band.

which me and courtney did last night...authentic irish dancing and music at the bar right next door to my hostel. fantastic if you ask me. Little loud...but hey..its Dublin..and everything here comes at max volume...

Went to the Jameson brewery today and sampled some of the whiskey that they had...also very good..went to a pub for some chips and a pint and here I am...

Not many pictures here..but that is fine..just wanted to say hello, and tomorrow I'm headed off to Amsterdam..Dan if you could do me a favor and call mom and tell her I'm just fine...and that she'll be getting ap ostcard tomorrow....well I'm sending it out tomorrow.

Take care all, see you in Amsterdam!

last

2005-01-17T08:50:00.000-06:00

full day in London and I got to say I enjoyed myself throughly. Needless to say jetlag hit me full blast once I got into the second day..not to mention that I didn't remember how I got to the flat, and that entire day I was full of panic attacks and exhaustion and sickness. We went and saw all these places..me, tc, and sheneda but I felt like shite the entire time. Saw 10 Downing St. which is where tony blair lives...and the place is a goddamn fortress...so is the Israeli embassy..that you can't take pictuers of because the guard will shoot you...I'm not shitting you.

We walked a shiteload and I got a lot of graet pictures of places...I've pretty much seen a lot like Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, Big Ben, Parliament, etc. etc. We tried getting into Whitechapel for some spots of Jack The Ripper..I only got two photos frmo the crime scene...the place itself is a rather shady spot...I wouldn't recommend going in there at night.

I am diong just fine...it has been nice spending time in London with TC and he has been nothing but a phenominal tour guide, because otherwise I would have just walked aimlessly through these streets...because althuogh London doesn't feel as big as New York, it sure seems much easier to get lost in this place. That much I can tell you for sure.

London, on a side note is a very friendly city...and not once have i had to deal with anyone giving me shit because i'm an american. it is a nice feeling and everyone here is very nice to tourists...#

they do like their sausages too much, and they smell like shit when you cook them...also their strawberry milk doesn't beat nestle quik....i don't think anything ever will.

otherwise i've been staying in a flat with three people...my friend TC literally lives in a closet..I'll get a picture online for that. but it is a really nice place...plus I made them all dinner last night and we got drunk and watched pulp fiction and austin powers...tried to make it to the Wake Forest game at 1AM but no dice.

Well..time to read some American news, because i do miss it..I'm doing well...Dan let dad or mom know I'm doing okay because i'm not sure if dad has this website...and chrissy i'm doing quite well and i urge you if you ever do any europe travel to take british airways...once again doing my part to plug the company...and sleep a shitload!

london!

2005-01-15T07:06:00.000-06:00

So here i sit...in an internet cafe in london..hungover as hell from the last nights festivities (I don't even remmeber how i got back to my friend's flat)...all in all it sbeen a great time..the flight was awesome...and I recommend British Airways to anyone who flies over the pond because its the fucking greatest airline ever. The last night in New York was fun too...spent it getting drunk in some valentine bar in brooklyn and then we made it out to times square...Always wanted to be drunk in times square...

didn't get jetlagged...probably because i slept on the plane i'm more hungover than anything... and my eyes are not working anymore...i should have put in my contacts.

I can't beleive I'm actually in Europe...fucking amazing.

Two goals today

2005-01-12T17:23:00.000-06:00

Guggenheim or the Moma....and then a cup of soup.

didn't get either one of those accomplished..but made it to times square which is really fucking impressive if not horribly touristy. Saw the theatre where Dave letterman performs (I'll get a picture of that tomorrow) saw NBC News ABC News, Fox News (Shepard Smith was doing his schpeel and I snapped a photo of the control room). Walked arond 5th avenue and all was good.

Also had a deli sandwich...not too exciting...but there was a lot of walking, a lot of sightseeing...and lot of things that were really cool...I'll elaborate more later.

Day 1: Cloudy with a side of getting lost on the NY subway

2005-01-12T01:27:00.000-06:00

Most of you by now realize that I'm not the most enthused when it comes to air travel. I'm:

1) Afriad of heights
2) Afraid of water
3) Afraid of heights and water

At about 6:30 AM I woke up and quickly showered and got the rest of what I would have left to put together...together. Adam and Karlie picked me up at about 7:30 and we were off to good ol' O'Hare International. First of course, we stopped off for some breakfast at the lovely Cracker Barrel in Kenosha...Biscuits and Gravy and we were off again.
I got into O'Hare with about two hours to spare, had a beer to calm myself down for what was going to come during the day, and waited patiently for my plane to take off.
Oh, a very quick and HUGE thanks to my brother Dan for supplying America the book as well as my New York travel guide, both of which have been invaluable so far in my journey to the big apple.

The takeoff was fine, but cloudy...I waited patiently for the flight to descend into New York so I'd be able to see the city from the air. because I don't think I'll be seeing too much when i take off from JFK. So i waited and waited...thinking to myself that it was possible that I might in fact not see New York at all, given that it was cloudy and sort of snowy... and then the clouds split themselves open..
at first I saw houses....many many many houses all scattered below me...much like what Topeka or Oklahoma city would look like to me..not at all appealing..then i looked up and saw Manhattan. Man, is that place huge..there is nothing but enormous buildings...it didn't look so hot because of the clouds...but it was a little tingily (I must admit) to see the Empire State Building with my own two eyes...I can't wait to see it face to face.
I land and take a hour bus ride (rush hour) to Spanish Harlem to where my humble abode will be for the next few days...lemme tell you a little something about spanish harlem...it lies right on the outskirts of Harlem and the walk is a little intimidating for those who might have never been to a big city before.. I actually liked it quite a bit. met dave little and his friend Marlie. and we went to meet their friend at some 'gala' as marlie so eloquently put it...
Turns out this 'gala' is nothing more than some fucking propaganda meeting for people to develop free forms of thinking. Here I was my first night in manhattan, MSG (Madison Square Garden) less than a block away...times square less than five blocks away...and I'm talking about my future. Two and a half hours later (yes, that is correct) we finally get out of there. We end up at the Starlight Diner for some fries, muffins, onion rings, and some grilled cheese (I had fries) and a lot of laughing an dpissing off the workers. Then we got lost on the subway and had to backtrack...we ended up at grand central station (for those keeping score that is on about 53rd street...we wanted to get off on 125th street) . And here we are back at dave's...he and Marlie are sound asleep...and of coure I can't sleep so here I am on the computer.

I like this city, maybe not enough to live here...but i'm getting comfortable...but I do realize that I don't want to live in spanish harlem...not like i'm snotty..but i want to live somewhere i think a tad bit more clean and less scary when walking home at 12:30 at night.

maybe that is just the midwestern in me.

Tomorrow...i'm gonna see if Marlie (because she got fired today from her salon job and she lives across the hall) wants to go to the guggenheim museum and then maybe ground zero (I think it'd be appropriate that i at least visit and pay respects) and then I guess tomorrow we're going out. That is all for now..hope you enjoyed this post.

Here we a go!

First one.

2005-01-05T05:04:00.000-06:00

Life begins today.

With anything, this is going to be a start of bigger and better things. Neither one is a guarantee..but with a new lead and direction in life, comes a different web journal. This is where I'll post my trip details..get everything down.....hopefully daily but I doubt that it will happen that often as some of the countries will be more difficult than others to find web cafes.

So this will be where I go.

New York
London
Dublin
Amsterdam
Munich
Malaga
Fes
Rabat
Merrakesh
Barcelona
Madrid

Shit thats a lot of places....I'm guessing one or two are gonna get chopped....probably in Morocco and Spain. It starts next Tuesday.

Work still exists for me unfortunately, and it exists in 3 and a half hours. Can't sleep...

Soon oh so soon.

Welcome!