Your unfulfilling meal.
So, maybe this is a secret...maybe it's not...it's nothing special. For pretty much my entire life I have never been satisfied with anything. For me, no matter what comes my way and how good things seem to be, I've never been able to just sit back and go "ah, now this is where it's at." The closest I came to this sense was while in Austin this summer (that is another story entirely) but that was because it felt like a honest to God vacation with some of my best friends and there were no expectations, just relaxing and doing what we do best....somehow not getting arrested.
Back to my sense of dissatisfaction. Even thought London is now pretty much a lock and I just have the formality of filing billions of tons of paperwork before the UK government is like "okay, you came come over for a year" and this has been my goal for the past year or so.....I'm still at this point of disgruntlement.
You see, I want all these things to happen now....I like to think of myeslf as a patient person but that really isn't the case....I'm patient with myself in making things happen...but then when I do said things I expect the other party to respond as fast, if not faster than what I've done. When they don't, I feel like I'm in a stasis beyond my control and EVERYONE knows that I hate not being in control.
Same thing with London, with Germany, with my Europe trip, with my move back to Wisconsin, with the transportation sitautoin, to the what the hell am I gonna do back home for 3 weeks issue...I just have a crapload of issues that I'm trying to figure out within my head and for right now it all seems completely overwhelming.
Even though I say I'm quite done with New York, I also realize that I'm going to miss it within a week of going back home. It's fucking New York City man! Who wouldn't miss living in this place? However...I continuously remind myself that I made these decisions and that they're all in my best interests...it doesn't help to live in the greatest city in the world if you're miserable in a job that requires you to pretty much just show up...I could seriously do this job from home.
So my final weeks will consist of pretty much trying to save up as much money as humanly possible and one or two more remaining guests from Wisco. Till I get the periodical updates from London and occasional e-mails from friends past discussion our soon to be reconciliation events....I wait.
I hate waiting.
Back to my sense of dissatisfaction. Even thought London is now pretty much a lock and I just have the formality of filing billions of tons of paperwork before the UK government is like "okay, you came come over for a year" and this has been my goal for the past year or so.....I'm still at this point of disgruntlement.
You see, I want all these things to happen now....I like to think of myeslf as a patient person but that really isn't the case....I'm patient with myself in making things happen...but then when I do said things I expect the other party to respond as fast, if not faster than what I've done. When they don't, I feel like I'm in a stasis beyond my control and EVERYONE knows that I hate not being in control.
Same thing with London, with Germany, with my Europe trip, with my move back to Wisconsin, with the transportation sitautoin, to the what the hell am I gonna do back home for 3 weeks issue...I just have a crapload of issues that I'm trying to figure out within my head and for right now it all seems completely overwhelming.
Even though I say I'm quite done with New York, I also realize that I'm going to miss it within a week of going back home. It's fucking New York City man! Who wouldn't miss living in this place? However...I continuously remind myself that I made these decisions and that they're all in my best interests...it doesn't help to live in the greatest city in the world if you're miserable in a job that requires you to pretty much just show up...I could seriously do this job from home.
So my final weeks will consist of pretty much trying to save up as much money as humanly possible and one or two more remaining guests from Wisco. Till I get the periodical updates from London and occasional e-mails from friends past discussion our soon to be reconciliation events....I wait.
I hate waiting.
posted by plain ol' random at
11:52 AM
1 Comments:
ya don't have to wait much longer, i'm comin' out there soon! just tighten up your belt a bit more and hold your horses, it won't be long until you are off to london. the three weeks back here will go really fast, especially if the weather holds out like it has.
By
sarah, at 11:26 PM
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